my thigh. “I’m wiped, baby. Open so I can clean me off you and we can get some sleep.”
I knew he loved me. From word and deed, he’d made that clear. Before he loved me he’d cared deeply for me. He’d given me gentle looks before, but never tender. Never like I was so special he wanted to tend to me.
So I opened my legs.
Brady didn’t make a big deal of it as he wiped my inner thighs and between my legs. His ministrations were soft, not fast nor slow—he didn’t take a year to wash me but he didn’t rush. He simply took care of me. When he was done, he went back to the bathroom, came back, got into bed next to me, and that was it.
He rolled me back so I was pressed to his side. His hand at my hip lightly grazed my skin, and he did this silently.
I knew he was tired, he’d told me as much, and I was, too. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t freaking out inside.
“What changed?” I whispered.
“Told you I had a shit day. Part of that was talking to your dad and uncles. It doesn’t make a man feel real good when he realizes he’s been a dumb fuck. I told Clark I’d think on some stuff, and on my way home I started to do that.”
“Wanna share what you thought about?”
His hand on my hip stopped grazing so he cupped my ass and pulled me closer.
Closer.
I loved that.
“I have a good family,” he declared, and I felt my brows pinch together in confusion. “It just so happens I didn’t find that family until I was twenty-seven. I was so caught up hating the man who made me I missed the four men who’d come into my life. I missed what they’d given me. I was so caught in guilt about not being able to save my sister I missed what they were offering. I fell in love with you then spent four years thinking I’d never be worthy of you. I missed something huge—your father giving me his blessing. Not that I didn’t take advantage of his approval, I did. As soon as he gave it, I came straight to you begging for a chance. But I never fully let that sink in, what his blessing truly meant. He said he wanted a good man at your back. But he also wanted a good woman at mine. That’s what I was thinking about driving home to you tonight. I have your back, Hadley, always. You have all of my love and protection. And part of that was me thinking I needed to protect you from me.”
I was still stuck on Brady finally coming to the realization that my family, his family loved him and how unbelievably happy that made me. So I almost missed his body stiffening under me.
“The night of Nicole’s birthday I know you heard my nightmare.” Before I could say anything, his arm tightened then relaxed and he went on. “Know it was hard for you to stay in your room and I know you did that because I asked you to. It fucks me to talk about this but I need to. I have to tell you so you can have my back. I dream about Nicole dying. Sometimes I can wake myself up, sometimes I can’t. I dream about things I’ve done while I was in the Army. Those dreams aren’t for you. I will not share those but I will take Clark up on his offer and talk to him about them.”
Thank God.
Thank sweet baby Jesus he was finally letting me all the way in.
“What’d you dream about the night of Nicole’s birthday?”
Brady’s arm went tight again but this time he didn’t loosen it when he said, “You.”
“Me?”
“Same dream, me watching Nicole get tangled and fall overboard, me hearing her scream before she hit the water, trying to get to her, trying to find her. But instead of it being Nicole it was you. I saw you, I heard you, I couldn’t get to you.”
“And I died,” I surmised.
“You were dead,” he confirmed.
We both fell silent and I waited a good long while until Brady’s chest stopped heaving in oxygen before I softly told him, “Nothing’s gonna happen to me.”
“I know.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
That earned me a tighter squeeze but no words.
“I want you to sleep with me tonight.”
“Had—”
“If I feel you moving, I’ll get up. I promise. I won’t try