all comes roaring back, and I know no matter what I do, how much I drink, or who I fuck to try and forget…I never will.
How can I forget the one I am destined to be with? How can I forget the feeling of true love?
I can’t, I just have to find a way to survive.
I gulp, stilling my swinging hips as Allegra watches me in concern before leaning in. “Babe, what are you doing here? Everything okay? You look like you’ve been crying.”
I don’t know if it’s the simple question, or if it’s the fact I can see the concern on her face… She genuinely wants to know if I’m okay, but my lip starts to quiver again. Her eyes flicker down to it, and she sighs before grabbing my hand. She leads me from the dance floor and down a hallway to the bathroom, and then she slams the door and locks it behind us to the disgruntled glares of the women there before cupping my cheeks.
“What’s going on, babe? You’ve been off work, and now I see you here looking like this?” she questions.
“He broke up with me,” I whisper pathetically. “Justin died… I, erm…” I shake my head with a bitter laugh, leaning back against the sticky porcelain sink. “He died and Tyler broke up with me, and I just don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve never had my heart broken before,” I admit and meet her kind eyes. “I love him so much, and it hurts so badly. How do I get it to stop? How can I survive this?”
She sighs and hugs me. “Shh, it’s okay. The hurt is good. When the hurt stops, that’s the worst part, because it means it’s truly over and you’re healing. Live in the pain for now, because it means it’s real, it happened. But you will survive, I promise you that, Lex. Hearts heal, sometimes stronger than before, sometimes as thin as paper that’s easily shredded so they have to be protected,” she mutters as if to herself before carrying on. “I’ve been where you are—left, alone, lost, and broken. But it gets better. Each day that passes, it will get easier, but getting drunk and fucking random men won’t help. For the night, you will feel good, but in the daylight, you will be filled with regret and those emotions will still be waiting for you.”
I pull back, and she wipes my tears with some tissue and brushes my hair from my face in an almost motherly way. “You promise…you promise it gets easier?” I whisper.
She nods slowly. “It does, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt right now.” Allegra smiles sadly. “How about we get you home? If you really wanna drink, I’ll do it with you. Hell, we can trash him if you want to. Does he have a small dick? Weird fetishes?” she teases.
I laugh through the tears and wipe my face, stumbling on the ridiculous heels I yanked on earlier without a thought. “No, he has a huge dick and…fuck, he’s amazing. I can’t trash him.”
She sighs. “Too bad. Thin, small dicks are easier to get over.” She winks at me. “It’s always the bastards who can fuck well that ruin us. Let me get us home, and you can tell me everything.”
“Thank you,” I whisper when she wraps her arms around me as sudden exhaustion fills me. Her hug is better than a million touches from strangers. It feels right because she cares, she’s holding me together when I can’t do it myself. Her strength promises me it gets better, even if I can’t see the light right now.
“No thanks needed, babe. We’re friends, you just forgot that for a moment. Life goes on, Lexi, just don’t let it go on for too long without you.”
Life goes on…it’s true.
But how do I move on with a life I no longer want?
Tyler and the life we were building together was what I wanted, and now that I’m back to this emptiness, I know it’s not what I want.
How do I deal with that?
Is this what growing up and getting stronger feels like?
If so, it sucks.
Tyler
She reached for me, tried to hold me, to help me…
I couldn’t.
It hurt too badly to hold and touch the woman I would never have again. The woman whose heart I broke so callously because of my own pain. Seeing her there staggered me because I knew she came for me, not him, and yet again,