Cursive - By Phoebe Lane Page 0,52

other interests.

"As a result, the marriage suffered. I have vivid memories of my parents screaming at each other across the dinner table when I was about four or five. My mom resented my dad for working all the time, although I suspect work became an escape for him…an escape from her. Some men drink, others sleep around; he worked."

Aislynn paused to take a sip of her coffee. Even with Jace's peace and anchoring force, she felt wound up. It was an inevitable occurrence anytime she talked about Pam and her childhood.

"My mom did what she needed to do to take care of me, but she was never the affectionate type. She loved me, she still does, but she never showed it in the traditional sense of the word. She didn't attach well, and she resorted to being very critical of me as a way of reaching out and establishing some form of…fucked up bond, if you want to call it that.

"Even to this day, it's either my hair, or my clothes, or my career, or my relationships—you name it, she has an opinion about it. Needless to say, I became a total daddy's girl," she said with a smile that faded quickly.

"My dad walked out on her when I was nine. He made an attempt to be in my life, but my mom was bitter, and she always found a way to ruin my time with him. I became her container, so to speak, for all the anger she harvested toward him. It was all unconscious, of course. I don't think she ever meant to hurt me on purpose; she just didn't know any better. So, when I graduated high school, I ran as far away from her as I could."

Aislynn forced herself to take a deep breath, feeling like the painful memories were robbing her of the oxygen her body so desperately needed to function.

"NYU?" Jace asked after a minute of silence.

"Yeah, I got a full scholarship. That's where I met Ellie and my life finally began to turn around," Aislynn said, her face lightning up. "She was the sister I always wished I'd had. She was so positive, so loving, so loyal…she literally taught me to how to relax and enjoy life, giving me a chance to look at myself in a different light.

"It wasn't until after I went into psychiatry that I was able to comprehend the major role Ellie had played in my life. She helped me realize that the internal view I had of myself—my inner voice—was actually Pam's and not mine. To this day, I still struggle with having my own voice and being able to turn hers off in my head."

"From what happened the other morning, I gather you two still don't get along?" he asked softly.

"Not much has changed. Even after becoming an adult and learning to understand all these things, she still manages to upset me," she said somberly. "And you know what the sad part is? I feel really guilty for being so angry with her all the time."

"How is that possible?" he asked, clearly confused. "I mean, how do you make sense of a mom who is so hurtful, even if it's unconscious?"

"You have to understand that, in my line of work, I get to hear atrocious stories about abusive and neglectful parents. Pam failed as a mom in many important areas, but she never did anything like that to me. I was never abused or neglected."

"Abuse and neglect are not the only ways you can hurt your children, and you know that, Aislynn," Jace said.

"I guess my reasoning is that, compared to others, I didn't have it so bad. You're always going to meet someone who's had it worse than you," Aislynn said.

"That's not fair to you, though. You can't compare yourself to other people like that, or choose to ignore how your particular experience impacted your life," Jace said.

Aislynn was truly impressed with the immediate level of understanding and insight he had into the complex dynamics of what she was explaining. She stepped closer to him and buried her face in his neck, needing to touch him, smell him, and feel a physical connection with him. He embraced her and rubbed his free hand up and down her back.

"I know I really shouldn't bitch about this, but…" Aislynn said, getting lost in a memory. "I never got over the fact that she refused to get me an Easy Bake Oven for my tenth birthday. She said that