Cursive - By Phoebe Lane Page 0,47

forever," she said, remembering Jace's last words before he'd left town.

"Have you told him about me?" Aislynn shook her head in response, unable to look him in the eyes. "Now that you have him in your life, you'll forget about me," he stated with a hint of accusation.

Aislynn's mood suddenly shifted. She felt a spark light up inside of her, starting behind her eyes and spreading through her blood vessels and into all of her tissues.

"That's what happens when you abandon people and break their heart! Don't you dare try to make me feel guilty about moving on with him! You were the one that left me!" she yelled, standing up from the chair and backing away from him as if he were gasoline to the fire inside her.

He looked taken aback by her outburst, but eventually nodded his head in agreement. She went back to avoiding his stare, looking out at the ocean instead and holding on to the deck railing until her fingers turned white. The emotional up and down of the conversation was draining her, and she felt like collapsing to the floor.

"Are you happy, Christopher?" she asked, tears forming in her eyes.

He didn't respond. Aislynn heard soft, muted sounds escape his lips, but he stopped himself every time.

"You asked me for this. I'm putting my pride aside to give you what you asked for. Please respect me and give me something in return," she said, wiping her tears away before they even left her eyes.

"I'm not ready to answer that question, love. And I don't think you're ready to hear the answer, just like you said on the beach the other day."

"Then we have nothing else to say, Christopher," she said, and walked to the door. "Please let me live my life without any interference from you."

Aislynn heard his last words as the door closed behind her. "I'm trying, love. I'm trying."

Aislynn thought that the conversation with Christopher would've given her some momentum to move forward. In reality, all it did was torment her. Her days were plagued by thoughts about him, her nights with recurring dreams about the day he left her. It didn't help that Ellie was in Chicago, and that Jace's trip had been extended. She had no distractions, no people around her, and no support.

How did I go from living essentially in solitude for months and being fine with it, to needing all these people around me? She thought, scolding herself.

To top it all off, she had sent her editor some of the work she had completed, and the feedback had been less than stellar.

"Hey, Aislynn. Let’s talk about these last few chapters you sent me," Lana said on the phone, hesitation clear in her voice.

"Ok, but I’ve got to tell you, that doesn’t sound very good."

"Well, okay, here’s the thing. The way I do this is that I try to ignore the editing details during my first read, and concentrate on the content of the work. I focus on what the experience as a reader is first, and as an editor second. And with these last few chapters what I felt was a major shift inside you and your writing. It's like there's more to this story and you're trying really hard to avoid putting it down on paper," Lana continued.

Great, even this woman can see right through me.

"Yeah, I know," Aislynn said, the mental exhaustion overtaking her.

"I had an author tell me once that he felt writing was almost like stripping naked in front of strangers. It can be scary, but you won’t produce good material unless you let that last piece of clothing fall down to the ground."

"Please tell me this wasn’t someone famous that I’ve read a book from. I won’t be able to stop myself from picturing him writing at his computer, buck naked."

"Oh my God! How did you know?" she exclaimed, and Aislynn could do nothing but shake her head in amusement.

Aislynn tried everything after that to get back on track and shake off the cloud that seemed to be hanging over her head, but nothing worked. She even thought about going out of town, but couldn't decide where to go. She felt stuck. Again.

There was a nervous energy inside her that made her feel like she needed to move constantly. She couldn't finish any activity she started, either because she got distracted, or it annoyed the hell out of her. The pressure in her chest was getting heavier and more intense. I need Jace, she