The Cursed Series, Parts 3 & 4 (Cursed #3-4) - Rebecca Donovan Page 0,81
trust, and I’m trying to be that for her,” she answers with patience, making my defensiveness disengage.
“Then where have you been? She’s needed you,” I say, my voice faltering.
“I know,” she answers quietly. “I was respecting her wishes, no matter how hard it was to do so.” Olivia opens the door. “Get some rest. I’m going back to the hospital. But call me if you’d like to talk about what happened. It would mean a lot if you let me be there for you.”
I nod, unable to find words to respond to her sincerity. I’ve never had an adult choose to take care of me before. Not like this. My grandmother wasn’t an overly affectionate woman, and the only emotions she expressed were to tell someone off or impassion her daughters or me with lectures on how to stand up for ourselves and not be taken advantage of, especially by men. She wasn’t a bad person. Just damaged. She wanted us to be strong and thought the only way to do that was to be the hardest rock. And with pressure, we would harden as well. That’s how diamonds are formed, after all. Or at least that’s what my aunt Helen would say.
Since Grandma’s death, I’ve created walls and edges to protect myself, becoming more and more like her. And as much as I loved her, she lived a lonely life. Her daughters moved out as soon as they were of age. The only reason my mother stayed was because she needed someone else to raise me. And even then, she lived upstairs in the tiny attic apartment to escape my grandmother’s anti-patriarchal rants.
The only time my grandmother ever took off her armor was when she read to me. And when we celebrated my birthdays. She’d go out of her way to make the day about me, like she was trying to make up for the rest of the year—and my mother’s absence for the majority of my life. She taught me a lot, and I am grateful for her candor. I know she tried and did her best. And I miss her so much. But I never learned anything about love. Not from her.
Love was what my mother shed tears in the name of. Love was an adoring smile turned cold over time. Love was words meant to flatter but then became silent when affections weren’t returned. Love manipulated and coerced. Love demanded and took without permission. Love destroyed lives.
But being in this house for the past couple of hours has shown me a world that I believed was only fictional. This family loves each other unconditionally. And apparently, no matter how many times the boys screw up, their parents keep loving them. I’m also pretty sure they hope their sons learn the necessary lesson and don’t do it again—but they still love them, no matter what.
The tenderness in Olivia’s eyes and the concern in her voice allowed me to be a part of that affection for just a few minutes. And I honestly have no idea what to do with it. It’s like I’m fumbling through the maze at Blackwood, trying to find my way. Just like the foreign, sometimes scary and almost always overwhelming feelings I have for Grant.
I’ve been resistant and freaked out by what’s been happening between us since I met him. We’ve become close so quickly; it’s left me uncertain of my footing, like the world is spinning too fast. And I don’t know what to do with the trust he’s instilled in me or how to keep his heart safe—especially when I’m not sure how to trust or love anyone right now. And I don’t want to screw us up.
I pick up the phone on the nightstand, and without reading a single text, I send a message to both Ashton and Grant. My mom’s ill. I’ll be back soon. Can’t talk. When I’m ready, I’ll explain. I need time.
And then I message Dr. Kendall, asking that she remove them from my Contacts.
I know pushing them both away is not what Niall and Olivia would want me to do. They’d be disappointed with me for the lesson I did not learn. But it’s what I need to do. And I can only hope they’ll understand when I am ready. Besides, I tend to learn everything the hard way … just like my stupid brother.
When you needed me most, I wasn’t there for you. Instead, I betrayed you.