Cupcakes and Christmas - R.J. Scott Page 0,47

could picture it so clearly that I nearly went to my knees. How were we going to get past this so that I could get closure on these desires that made me feel ecstatic at one moment and then an emotional mess the next?

I want that. I want Brody. I need him. He had to tell me how he felt about me, how angry he was, and whether I had any chance at all.

“Looking good,” Brody admitted, but I felt as if his eyes were on me and not the snowman. A quick glance to my left proved that. All the good feelings of him being there, with Jeremy all spiffy and cute, fled.

“We should talk,” I said and sighed as punctuation.

“I want to apologize,” Brody replied, his tone soft. “I did think maybe you’d set it up, and that wasn’t—charitable—of me. I opened the door to tell you that, but you’d left.”

I heard what he said, but I needed to get my words out as well. “Everything was real, the snowball fight, laughing, being stupid, the kiss. I wanted to kiss you. It was real. I promise.”

“I know.” He said the words so gently that there was no room for doubt that he meant what he said. There was no hesitation, just those two simple words.

I shuffled on the slippery snow to face him. “You sound so convinced of that—how do you know?”

“I don’t know but I have an idea of how we can check it out.”

“Check what?”

“The kiss.”

“Huh?” I was dumbstruck by the way he looked at me, and then he cradled my head in his gloved hand, keeping the hood in place, and he leaned in and kissed me. Softer this time, questioning, the tip of his tongue running along the seam of my mouth, and I parted my lips a little. Instead of thrusting in for a hot kiss, he took his time, nibbling at my lower lip, catching it with his teeth gently and releasing it, pressing butterfly kisses on my nose and eyelids then ending up back where we started, taking his fill of me. I gave back everything, the kiss deepening, the cold air dissipating around my face. The icy gust of wind was like nothing around my heated body. I wanted his hands on me. I wanted to feel him. I wished we weren’t outside in the snow. I imagined taking his hand and going to my room, him spreading me out on the bed, staring at me, stroking me, kissing and licking his way down my body, and I was so hard that it hurt. He pulled back and away, although I chased for more kisses, and he smiled as his lips met mine. He held up a hand and pressed it to my chest, holding me away.

“Okay so that was… ” he began as I attempted to pull him into a hug.

“So fucking sexy,” I whispered and stopped trying to tug him when I realized there was something wrong.

“We need to slow this down,” he finally said after a pause.

“Maybe we don’t,” I suggested and placed my hand on his shoulder. “We don’t have long here so why don’t we enjoy this while we can?”

I could tell my words scared him. Not surprising given what he’d gone through with his husband. He would want slow. I knew that, but I wanted now. I was desperate for now.

“And then what? I go back to Corning? And you’re in New York City.”

He worried at his lip.

“It’s only a four hour drive. I already checked a map and Scranton is in the middle. We could meet there?” I tried to reassure him.

“And do what? Meet up, have sex, and then leave?” Was he trying to start an argument? It sure sounded like he was.

“I’m thinking we could get dinner as well.” He smiled tentatively, and I had to do my best to rein in the emotions that were swirling around us in the snow. He didn’t want me now, and I wasn’t sure I was able to slow things down. What was the point? Once he got to know me he’d see the real person under the façade and then he’d just fuck off. Just like everyone else in my life. Unless I paid him like I paid the team that supported me. Not paid him to have sex, but maybe I could hire him to make me cakes all the time, then he’d be in my life, and…

No, he’d still see through