Crushed - Pamela Ann Page 0,6
aside.”
Ha. How fitting.
“I didn’t know you had a sense of humor.”
“It’s a golden secret of mine.” He made a hearty laugh, looking too hot for his own good. “Chicks dig the brooding type. Cracking jokes doesn’t automatically attract the opposite sex.”
“I beg to differ.”
Not one to argue, he simply said, “So, what’s been going on with you?”
Like there was anything really new with me. In case he didn’t notice, I was the least exciting one out of the bunch.
“Not much. Same old, same old. And you? I heard about the perfume incident.”
His demeanor darkened, not towards me, but back to his thoughts. The pain re-emerged in his dark eyes.
“Seems like everyone did apparently.”
“What was that all about?” My question came out lightly, but there was a force behind it. I wanted to pick his brain and see if he was still stuck there, in that dingy, dark hole. I wasn’t one to shy away from a conflicting subject since I’d had my fair share of ugliness.
Taking a hefty amount of gulps from the bottle, he didn’t meet my eyes when he said, “This and that.”
“You’re pretty vague there, buddy.” I was concerned. Besides, it seemed as if everyone was busy with their own lives these days, and the ones who didn’t have a significant other… Well, we mattered, too.
“It was just one of those things. Shit happens.”
“Doesn’t it always?”
He tried to shrug it off, but I knew better. He was still there, crawling his way out. It was a daily struggle. It was something you couldn’t shake off when you grew tired of it, because the moment it latched on, it was like a leech, sucking your blood out consistently until you had none to give. It would drain your energy, your daily motivation to get out there and live the kind of life you had dreamed for yourself. It would take it all away … slowly, persistently until you were stripped from everything you once were. It choked your breath, numbing you from any emotions while you watched your world pass you by.
Heartbreak didn’t only apply to one organ, but to the rest of your body and soul, too. It viciously gutted you, broke you. Coping with the aftermath was the most critical part because the numbness within was something you had to learn to live with on a daily basis. It would not leave you even if you were asleep; your subconscious would sprout and taint the very thing you used to escape from reality.
I was a byproduct of survival. I had been to Hell and back, and in my darkest days, the urge to give in to my demons and let them take over was still a struggle. Every day was a test, and I admit, I was getting too exhausted to keep on fighting. That was why I liked to surround myself with friends. That way, I didn’t have to think about the temptation of what it would be like to surrender to the Devil himself.
At peace with my camaraderie with Carter, I felt as though he and I had reached a different chapter in our lives, a different level of respect and understanding. It was as if our friendship was finally solidified, and I liked believing he and I would get through this dark phase of our lives.
Feeling a little sentimental, I made a slight move, nudging him on his shoulder. “Damn, I never thought I’d have a meaningful conversation with you. I’ve known you all my life, yet this is the first time I’ve had a conversation with you sober.” Heck, it was a milestone come to think of it.
He puffed out in denial, “That’s bullshit.”
“I’m totally serious. You were always drunk.” Had he not noticed the amount of beer his household consumed? They barely had anything in their fridge that wasn’t labeled ‘Drink Responsibly.’
“Well, maybe because you don’t come around often, and when you do, you’re always tagging around Brody.”
He had a point, but…
“You could be right about that, but I’m telling you, Carter Mason, you’re a certified booze junkie and a notorious man-whore.”
The light in his eyes reemerged before he busted out in a good laugh. “It’s like that, huh? I see … I see how it is.” He gave another round of guffawing before he nodded towards me. “You’re great, Amber. Don’t think otherwise.”
Instead of responding, I simply gave a smile, truly wanting to believe him, but it was hard to break a habit of always putting myself down. When someone