Crushed - Pamela Ann Page 0,43

another argument, but much to my astonishment, a punishing kiss came out of nowhere, shocking me to the core, leaving me breathless and yearning for more of his lips, his touch. His kiss began like a love affair—rushed, inflamed, and passionate—before shifting to a much softer, too intimate, soul-reaching kind of kiss.

No one had ever kissed me like that before. It was meant to mark your heart, the very core of your existence. It was a kiss that was going straight to the memory bank to be savored and cherished when I was old and gray. Then I would look back at my life and reflect on how lucky I was to have had this extraordinary experience, even if it was merely a short while.

Breaking away from my lips, he left a tiny kiss then another before delving back into my mouth for a soul-searching one, tipping me over the edge.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me, Amber, but it’s fucking with me. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Fuck. What was he trying to say? Oh, God. I was about to have a major freak out. I had longed for this moment to happen, and now that it felt like it was almost there, I wasn’t sure what to do. How could I shut down someone I had loved for so long? How could I even fathom denying us a chance?

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I reluctantly said, still having a hard time grasping everything that was happening between us. “You have no idea how much I wanted this before…” But now that it’s here, I’m not sure what to do.

He tensed, knowing full well I was serious. “So you’re saying you don’t want it now? That you’re not even willing to give it a thought, a consideration?”

“I honestly don’t know what I want.” My statement was as honest as it could get. It wasn’t as if I was dancing around his question, but to be openly rejected by him and still cling on then get rejected time and time again … Well, that took a toll on my confidence and sanity.

He seemed to have a difficult time finding his voice, but after the second time of clearing his throat, it seemed he found it. “I anticipated some reservations coming from you, but never this. I thought you’d be happy about this. I didn’t expect you to react this way.”

He had a point, and I couldn’t blame him if he was a little miffed. If Trista was here, she would have thought I had lost my mind. I hadn’t, though. In fact, I thought I had just found it.

“I hope you don’t think this is my way of punishing you after all these years. It would be crushing if you did.”

“That sure is one way to look at it. I was fucked up and too caught up with Lindsey to pay attention to anyone. I guess this is the perfect revenge to fuck me up.”

“Revenge? Don’t be stupid. I’m not like that at all. Well, not with you, anyway.”

How could he even think such a thing? It wasn’t like I was rejecting him. I loved him for Pete’s sake. Regardless, his intentions came at a bad time, and to be honest, I didn’t trust him to be loyal. The only time I saw him commit to anyone was when he took Lindsey seriously. But I wasn’t kidding myself. I sure wasn’t Lindsey, so hell, the chances of him straying and cheating were highly likely.

“Don’t be angry with me. I’m just being honest with you. I hope you can appreciate that.”

“Oh, I do appreciate it, all right,” he remarked snidely. “I just didn’t expect this from you when I feel so strongly about you … It’s mind-fucking for me, too.”

He was mind-fucked? Great, because I was feeling the same way. Besides, it wasn’t as if I could really buy this bullshit now, could I? For a moment there, I might have.

“Maybe it’s just a phase since Carter happened. Maybe it’ll go away soon now that he’s gone for a while.”

Brody’s face darkened. “Like a switch, you mean?” He snorted. “Like I can shut it down whenever I feel like it?”

I shrugged.

Since he thought I had been with Carter for a fun tumble, I was sure he was just acting like a typical male—territorial and all. It wasn’t anything special. It was simply about sex. He wasn’t ever going to love me the way he loved Lindsey, so wishful