Cruel Kisses (It's Just High School #2) - Thandiwe Mpofu Page 0,73
it will take a move of God to change shit.”
“Your bitch ass mother told me that there is no going back on those contracts and as you just confirmed, you knew it too, so, what should I be fighting for here?”
“Fight for me!” I seethe. “Fight for fucking me, Mia!” I’m literally vibrating with anger and so much tension, I can hardly move. Why can’t she see how I feel about her? “I would go to war for you, slay fucking giants for you, condemn this fucked up world to hell for you if I have to and you just stand there like I don’t mean anything to you.”
Jesus, this girl…
“Oh my God, Julian!” she cries now. “I’m messed up right now. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m broken. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t think, I’m freaking lost! I’m fucking lost.”
She pounds at her chest as she says that, the look on her face sop raw, it breaks me apart some more.
“I lost people, Julian! I’ve been lied to. I’ve been hurt a million times over in the last few days and you…” She points at me, tears streaming down her face, her voice trailing off. “I can stand here and recount you every conversation we’ve ever had. I can tell you every word you shouted in my face that night on the beach. You said my heart is corroded and you were right!”
“Mia…”
“No, you tell me, Julian. Tell me, after finding out that the one guy who puts the entire universe into perspective for me isn’t mine and was never mine at all—what should I have done with that, huh?”
It’s full on shouting now and I’m losing myself. It’s fucking uncomfortable, I don’t know what to do with this.
“Mia…” I start but she cuts me off.
“No, you tell me what I should do with that!” she cries. “You know, I walked into that room and found your father in bed with Nancy. They looked so in love and I just… I couldn’t process that. I just stood there, watching her gasp for breath and I did nothing!”
She starts clawing at her chest as she says that, tears rushing down her cheeks.
“I stood by and did nothing! Do you hear that?” she cries, her voice now hoarse and broken. “All I should’ve done was quickly rush to her and give the oxygen mask. That’s all! But I didn’t. I watched her die. I killed the woman who raised me!”
I can’t take it anymore. In two strides I reach her and scoop her in my arms, but she fights me off.
“No, let me fucking go!” she cries. “You once said that I have a black heart, how is murder on that as well?”
“You’re not a damn murderer, Mia.”
“No, don’t lie to me,” she cries, shaking her head like she doesn’t want to hear the shit I have to say and at this point, I’m fucking aware that there’s nothing I can say that will sink in. Not when her pain, her sadness and grief is too fresh and raw like this.
All I can do right now, is hold her to me, my mind fucking heart pounding in my chest. God, this girl.
I have no idea what time it is when she stops crying or when the tremors stop raking through her body, but through it all, she clings to me like the first time she was in my bed.
For a second, my blood stirs as I think back to how bold she was, stripping down just so she could match me.
I think of asking her if she wants to get comfortable, remove her clothes since she sleeps better that way, but when I look down at her, I notice her eyes are now closed, her eyelashes resting on her sullen cheeks. She has fallen asleep.
In this moment, she looks like the perfect image of tortured peace, the mirror image of how I’m feeling inside.
Tortured, restless, full of anguish, but still somewhat peaceful because she’s in my arms.
There are a bunch of calls I need to make right now, specifically, one to dad so he can do me a solid, so I pick Mia up and place her gently in the bed, kissing her puckered lips as I do. Then I leave the room, going down to the lounge where I can make a call without disturbing her.
She looks like she could use the rest, so I leave her to it.
Dialing dad’s number, he answers on the first ring.