or the heather and grass at the road-side, but he had started to turn as he saw the car coming out in front of him, so hit it at a slight angle; he was catapulted across the road and into a lay-by; he hit the big concrete litter bin full on, and was dead by the time the ambulance arrived.
‘It’s not just Darren,’ Prentice said. ‘It’s everything; it’s ... it’s Uncle Rory; Aunt Fiona, and ... shit, it’s even doing History, dad. Jesus; do human beings ever just get on with each other? Why are we always at each other’s throats?’
‘Well, I wouldn’t worry about Rory,’ Kenneth said quietly.
‘Why shouldn’t I? He’s dead. He must be; it’s been six years; we could probably have him legally declared dead.’ Prentice kicked the rod. ‘Good excuse for a wake; and we wouldn’t even have the expense of a coffin or anything.’
‘Prentice ...’ Kenneth said.
‘Well!’ Prentice shouted. ‘You’re always so fucking smug about Rory being alive! What do you know? What makes you so smart?’
‘Prentice, calm down.’
‘I will not! Christ, dad, do you realise how insufferable you can be? Mr Omniscience. Jeez.’ Prentice looked away at the grey landscape of water, cloud and dripping trees.
‘Prentice, I don’t know for certain Rory’s alive, but I’m fairly sure. In a round-about sort of way, he keeps in touch. I think. That’s all I can say.’ He started to say something else, then stopped himself. ‘Oh, I don’t know what to say. I want to say, “Trust me,” but ... looks like Rory himself has ruled that out. Can’t say he isn’t right about that ... It’s true, most of the time. But I’m not lying to you.’
‘Maybe not,’ Prentice said. He looked back at Kenneth. ‘But you might be wrong about the things you’re so busy telling us the truth about.’
‘I did say I wasn’t certain.’
‘Yeah? What about Darren?’
Kenneth looked puzzled. He shook his head. ‘No, you’ve lost me; what do you -’
‘I can’t believe he’s just ... gone, like that, Ken. I can’t believe there isn’t something left, some sort of continuity. What was the point of it all, otherwise?’
Kenneth put the rod down, clasped his hands. ‘You think Darren’s ... personality is still around, somewhere?’
‘Why not? How can he be such a great guy, and clever and just ... just a good friend, and some fuckwit forgetting to look both ways cancels out all that ... probably not even a fuckwit; probably some ordinary guy thinking about something else ... How ...’ Prentice shoved his hands under his oxters, rocked forward, head down. ‘God, I hate getting inarticulate.’
‘Prentice, I’m sorry. Maybe it sounds brutal, but that’s just the way it is. Consciousness ... goodness, whatever; they haven’t got any momentum. They can stop in an instant, just snuffed out. It happens all the time; it’s happening right now, all over the world; and Darren was hardly an extreme example of life’s injustice, death’s injustice.’
‘I know!’ Prentice put his hands up to the jacket hood, over his ears. ‘I know all that! I know it’s happening all the time; I know the death squads are torturing children and the Israelis are behaving like Nazis and Pol Pot’s preparing his come-back tour; you keep telling us; you always told us! And people just scream and die; get tortured to death because they’re poor or they help the poor or they wrote a pamphlet or they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time; and nobody comes to rescue them, and the torturers never get punished; they retire, they even survive revolutions sometimes because they have such fucking useful skills, and no super-hero comes to save the people being tortured, no Rambo bursts in; no retribution; no justice; nothing ... and that’s just it! There has to be something more than that!’
‘Why?’ Kenneth said, trying not to sound angry. ‘Just because we feel that way? One wee daft species, on one wee daft planet circling one wee daft star in one wee daft galaxy; us? Barely capable of crawling into space yet; capable of feeding everybody but ... nyaa, can’t be bothered? Just because we think there must be something more and a few crazy desert cults infect the world with their cruel ideas; that’s what makes the soul a certainty and heaven a must?’ Kenneth sat back, shaking his head. ‘Prentice, I’m sorry, but I expected better of you. I thought you were smart. Shit; Darren dies and you miss Rory, so you