Crazy Stupid Bromance (Bromance Book Club #3) - Lyssa Kay Adams Page 0,98

us.”

“Give me back the fucking letter,” he growled. “I’m not messing around, Mack.”

He’d never shown it to anyone before, not even Alexis.

“Why?” Mack asked. “Is it something important? It must be, because we found it on your chest while you were passed out.”

Noah’s hands curled into fists. “Give me. The fucking letter. Mack.”

Mack held it aloft and out of Noah’s reach. “What happened with Alexis?”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Give me my goddamned letter!”

“Malcolm,” Mack said. “Why do you suppose this is what Noah turned to after apparently fucking things up with the woman he loves?”

“I don’t know,” Malcolm said, leaning in the doorway to the living room. “Maybe because it holds the key to his entire life and the reasons why he keeps pushing her away.”

“I didn’t push her away,” Noah shouted. “She—” His voice gave out, and he sank back to the couch. He was officially all out of fight. He was nothing but fuck-its and whiskey.

“She what?” Colton asked, sitting next to him.

Noah ground the heels of his hands into his eyes and then propped his knees on his elbows. “You know what they call those letters?” he asked, looking up at Mack.

Mack shook his head.

“If I Die letters. They write them just in case they don’t make it back. How fucked up is that?”

Mack didn’t answer, probably because he knew Noah didn’t really expect him to. Instead, he handed the letter back to Noah and sat down on the floor in front of him.

“They found this in my dad’s things after he was killed,” Noah said, unfolding the letter along well-worn creases. “He wrote one to each of us.”

The guys fell silent as he scanned the words that he long ago memorized.

Son,

If you’re reading this, it means I broke my promise. I’m not coming back. I’m sorrier about that than you could ever know.

I love you so much. Those words don’t even seem adequate. The day you were born changed my life. I thought I knew what it meant to be a man, but that all changed the minute the nurse set you in my arms. My whole life flashed before my eyes as I looked in yours. I was a warrior, but in that moment, I was as scared and intimidated by a six-pound baby than I’d ever been by the enemy. Was I enough? Was I up to the task of raising a child? Was I man enough to raise you to be a man someday?

I wish I could be there to know the answers to those questions. I wish I could see what you accomplish with that computer brain of yours. I wish I could be there to put my arm around you when you get your heart broken for the first time (it will happen, but you will survive), pat you on the back when you finally meet the one (that will also happen). I wish I could see you become a father. I know you’ll be a good one. I wish I could be a grandfather. I’m damn sure I’d be a good one.

There are lessons I haven’t had a chance to teach you yet, so I’m going to convey them the best I can now.

Stand for something.

Life is a gift, an opportunity. Don’t waste it on the sidelines. Be brave enough to go after what you want. Do something with that genius brain of yours.

There’s no shame in failing. Unless you don’t get back up, learn from your mistakes, and keep trying.

I’m sorry to leave you, son. I’m sorry I broke my promise. But I need you to be strong. Your mom needs you as much as you need her.

Be happy, Noah. Be at peace. Be the man I know you can be.

This will be hard. You’re going to feel a lot of emotions—anger, sadness, betrayal, fear. But I promise you—and this is a promise I won’t break—that a day will come when you feel at peace again. When it won’t hurt to think of me. When you think about your old man and laugh at the good times we had, when you can remember me without all those bad emotions.

Know that I am okay, and you will be too. Someday, you will be too.

Love,

Dad

Mack leaned forward in his cross-legged position. “Tell us what happened.”

Noah knew he wasn’t asking about his father, so he did his best to explain it all—the leaked documents, Alexis’s suspicion that he’d been the one who leaked them, her apology, his refusal