Crazy for Loving You A Bluewater Billionaires Romantic Comedy - Pippa Grant Page 0,20
probably knows someone who could. Tyler, tell me you didn’t set this up.
Tyler: I WISH I set it up. That’s fucking epic. W, did someone else set this up? Who else knows you well enough to pull off the prank of the century?
Britney: West, we know you have your hands full, but if you don’t answer in the next two minutes, we’re organizing a convoy and charging Daisy Carter-Kincaid’s mansion. *sword emoji* *dragon emoji* *knight emoji*
West: You can’t teleport from Chicago, so don’t threaten it. Yes, I inherited the 1-star lady’s kid. No, I don’t know why. Yes, with Daisy. No, you can’t come see the house just because you want to. Sorry I didn’t tell you—been a little busy the last twelve hours or so. Don’t get excited—it won’t stick.
Allie: West, I still have Liliana’s high chair. Actually, it’s the last baby thing I have left. Yours if you want it. I’ll ship it, because you’re my favorite big brother, and it’s about time you settled down and gave Mom kids, considering how long you’ve already made her wait.
Keely: DO NOT GIVE AWAY YOUR LAST BABY ITEM OR YOU’LL GET PREGNANT AGAIN, YOU IDIOT. West, I’ll buy you a fucking high chair. DO NOT TAKE ALLIE’S. Also, insensitive much? HELLO, THE SIERRA YEARS. If West wants a baby, I fully support him inheriting one of his own.
Britney: Not touching that Keely said the S-word, but hard agree on the high chair. Don’t take Allie’s. *pacifier emoji* *avocado emoji*
Allie: You guys, Oscar’s fixed. More babies are NOT a concern. And avocado? WTF, Brit? I don’t know what that means.
Allie: OH! Right. Avocado. Good baby food. I got it now.
Keely: *GIF of woman falling over laughing* You’re all nuts, and DAISY CARTER-KINCAID CAN FUCKING AFFORD A HIGH CHAIR. Can we get back to the important part here?
Britney: Keely’s right, Allie. We should talk about the important part. Has Oscar had his semen tested to make sure it’s swimmer-free? Not saying I know from personal experience how important that is, but *baby emoji* *baby emoji* *baby emoji*
Mom: OMD, you’re pregnant with TRIPLETS?
Allie: Mom. It’s O-M-G. Oh My Gosh. G. G. G.
Mom: I like D. It drives your father nuts when I say Oh My Dog. Back to the triplets. OMD, I’m CRYING. Four new grandbabies in one day.
Dad: I’m sitting next to goob reading these sexts too, May Ella. I can creed what you just let’s go to bed.
Dad: Let’s go to bed.
Dad: LET’S GO TO BED.
Dad: What the duck is wrong with my dingaling?
Dad: Dingaling.
Dad: GOOBERSNATCHER BRA BRA LIGHTWEIGHT, Tyler, QUIT MESSING WITH MY DINGAGLING SETTINGS.
Britney: NO! NO I AM NOT PREGNANT AGAIN. *profanity emoji* Jesus. I cut his fucking balls ALL THE WAY OFF after the twins happened. *eggplant emoji* And we get him tested every three weeks to make sure the snip-snip is still working. I just hit the emoji button too many times. Good DOG you people are crazy. *dog emoji* *eye roll emoji*
Tyler: High five, Dad. You keep sexting Mom. But leave us out of it.
West: Are you fuckers done?
Mom: Of course, honey. Though I am taking screenshots of all of this. I’m working on a new set for my show. Netflix asked for a second season. Their demographic testing shows I do well with the middle-aged set, which means I need more funny family stuff. Tyler, I also need you to show me how to do that intentional autocorrect thing with your father’s phone.
Keely: And again, let’s get back to West… *GIF of the three dudes from Three Men and a Baby* You okay, West? F
or real? They’re not talking about taking the baby away from you, are they? Or would you rather not raise him? Either way, we support you.
Britney: God, yes. Let’s talk about West AND THE REAL BABY. *baby emoji* See? ONE BABY. ONE BABY EMOJI. Not coming from my baby making loins. *porkchop emoji* Also, ditto to Keely, West. However you want to play this, we have your back.
Tyler: You need a lawyer, West? I know a guy who knows a guy.
Keely: *GIF of someone popping gum and waiting for the story*
West: Yes. YES. I definitely need to talk to a lawyer. But I hope this lawyer’s better than your last “I know a guy who knows a guy.” He smelled like canned baloney and only won that case because the judge got tired of his burping.
Not true, but if there’s one thing my family’s good at, it’s giving each other shit.