THE CRAZY GOOD SERIES - Rachel Robinson Page 0,60

is are you ready?”

I swallow loudly. Am I? She is so honest with me about everything. Should I just tell her how I feel about her? Do I tell her that I think sex will change everything? That I’m so fucking mad about her that the second I stick my dick inside her, I might proposition her with marriage? That would scare her off for sure. Because Johnny Fucking Nash screwed her over. I sigh. I can’t give in to her. Not yet. Not until I know that she’s ready to accept all of me. All of me forever. That’s a huge thing to ask. I settle for a half-truth. “I want to fuck you so badly that it hurts me.” I run my hand down the front of my jeans, over my engorged, miserable cock. “Everything in my life is fast and fleeting. Is this so wrong?” I kiss her, rubbing all the way down the sides of her body. She lets out a small moan. “I want to do one thing slow. Not crazy…just good and right.” If she only knew how much I just admitted.

Windsor slides her hands under my shirt and up my chest. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” she professes. The way her blue eyes are locked on mine scares me and excites me. I think she’s going to say it. She’s going to tell me how she feels about me. If she admits as much that will be it. Game over. I’m hers. That’s what I’ve been waiting for. Just a tiny, little something to let me know she feels just as fucking crazy as I do. She closes her eyes and looks down. I feel sick.

She pulls away from me. The moment turns to complete piss. I’m a pussy. She’s been burned. This is fucking dismal. I smile to try to hide the disappointment. I lift her chin. “I’m yours. You are mine. Okay?” I tell her. This much we can both agree on. It’s safe territory.

“Mine,” she repeats. I nod. She’s way more than mine. She’s everything. Fuck.

She leaves me in her room to go visit Kathy in a room down the hall. I told her I was going for a run, but I still can’t shake the fucking moment. She can’t say it. I wonder if she’ll ever be able to tell me how she feels. I will wait forever for her to get on the same page as me, but what if she never gets there? What if I’m this dumb fucking idiot trying to get the girl who will never want anything more than sex from me? Most guys would be thrilled at this prospect. Hell, a couple months ago that’d thrill me, too. Now it just makes my stomach hurt. I walk out of the bedroom, leaving the J.T.T posters to have a staring contest with her cheerleading trophies. I hear Windsor’s voice and I can’t help it…I walk toward it, toward the cracked bedroom door, and I listen.

Her voice is muffled a little bit and I can tell she’s crying again. I have to remind myself that I’m fucking eavesdropping, so I can’t go in and hold her. The urge is so powerful that it surprises me.

“Why, Kathy? Why?” Windsor begs. Well, when in Rome…right? I walk a little closer and stand just to the right of the door, completely out of sight. Stealth is one of my favorite tricks. I can disappear into night like a ghost, but the thing driving me now is the ability to discover something about Windsor that I didn’t know before. Something she isn’t comfortable telling me. It’s like a fucking unicorn or something. You wouldn’t look away if one crossed your path. You never know when or if you’ll see it again. Fuck. Even my rationalizing is becoming insane.

“You would never understand, Windsor. I did what was best for you. After your father died everything was…different,” Kathy says, sighing.

“What you really mean to say is that you were different.” Windsor sobs a little, but she seems to be pulling it together. Less tears, more anger. “You and dad broke up when I was small. Why would him dying while you were married to number three affect you? It doesn’t make any sense. You were remarried. You didn’t give a shit about him anymore!” Windsor cries.

“Bite your tongue,” Kathy says. Windsor scoffs. “The numbers you give them only show your bitterness. It’s no wonder Johnny cheated on you.” I’ve never