THE CRAZY GOOD SERIES - Rachel Robinson Page 0,327

so I stand up and start pacing around the dining room.

She’s silent on the other end. I hear her breathing. “I know, sweetheart. I know how you’re feeling. Conflicted, to put it mildly. I can’t imagine how I’d feel in your situation.” Pain sears my chest. Cody. Even my disconnected mother senses my inner turmoil by merely looking at my situation from the outside, knowing no details.

I glance behind me at Dax and give him a little smile before slipping out of a set of French doors that lead to an open deck. “You don’t know a lot of things, Mom. Cody made it quite clear that I’m making the right decision by marrying Dax. Don’t worry about me. I know how to make good life decisions.”

“You’re my daughter. I’ll always worry for you. Good as the decision may be, it may not be where your heart is. Of course I’ll be enraged if you call off another wedding, but I’ll get over it if it means you’re making a good life decision that also makes your heart happy. I just can’t imagine,” she says. No one can imagine.

“Cody broke up with me, Mom. The exact words he used were ‘I don’t want you, Lainey. Marry him.’ I can’t argue with that. He’s a jerk, okay? I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Dax is a great man and I’ll live a beautiful, loving life with him. When do my cunning cousins arrive?” Maybe a subject change will help ease the tremors in my hands. I suck in a breath away from the phone receiver. Air. I need air. I can’t talk about this. My cousins aren’t really my cousins. They are the twin daughters of my mother’s best friend. I grew up with them teasing me unmercifully. Two against one isn’t fun. I’d fathom a guess that I hold the upper hand these days, but the prospect of seeing them, partying with them, and housing them is daunting. At least I’m getting married first.

“Nothing is ever as it seems, sweet girl. You know that. How long did you pretend to be something you weren’t? Aren’t you doing that now still? Different in some ways, but at the core you’re still a master at pretending. You forget I’m your mother. I raised you. I know these things.” That small sentimental bone I have in my pinky finger starts aching for my mom. I need to visit her, hug her, let her understand me like no one else can. Still, her words ignite fire because she’s right.

“I am myself. I don’t know how to be anyone else!” My voice rises and I remind myself to keep my tone down. I have neighbors now. A quick glance in their direction and I see them outside by their pool. It’s a middle-aged couple with beautiful hair and a small dog that yaps incessantly. They are the typical resident in this neighborhood. Those that have worked hard for most of their lives and can now afford waterfront property in a gated community. I raise my hand when the man looks my way. He waves back, but turns to go into his house. Good, take that fucking rat dog with you, I think.

“If you get cold feet, it may be more than that, honey. That’s all I’ll say about it for now.”

“God, it’s like you’re on Cody’s side or something, Mom. Didn’t you hear what I told you? I didn’t have a choice! He ended our…affair, relationship, whatever you want to call it.”

“Did he really?” she asks.

I growl. “Yes. I’m one hundred percent sure.”

“People say things they don’t mean every day. You’re not the only one who can pretend.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re like a stale fortune cookie today, Jules,” I say, sitting down in one of the several iron reclining sun chairs. My sunglasses are sitting on the table next to me, so I pop them on.

She ignores me and begins telling me flight information. They arrive tomorrow. Great. I make a mental checklist of everything I need to get done on top of my never-ending usual list. I hear a door upstairs close and look up. It’s the set of French doors that open to the upstairs wrap-around balcony. I wonder how long Dax was listening. This is what it’s come to. A month before our wedding and he has to listen in on phone conversations with my mother to garner information. What am I doing?

You’re making a life for yourself.