THE CRAZY GOOD SERIES - Rachel Robinson Page 0,320

is free. There’s no beauty or freedom in losing him again. There’s only pain and shackles that pin me to the past. What used to be will haunt me and what almost was may very well kill me.

My body is quivering from the shock of everything. Nothing is fixed, Cody is gone, and Dax, my good guy, is trying to save the day yet again. I sit down at my computer and open my personal email. I haven’t checked it in a while. The notifications have been off for days. There’s one from Cody. I click it open and a pang of razor blades slice my heart when I see his words.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: All the things I didn’t say

I didn’t say I love you because with you, it’s more. You’re so perfectly beautiful, unique, intelligent, stunning, cunning, I can’t stop thinking about you. I want to take you to Dances like the Wind and live there with you forever. We’ll never leave. No more jobs, contracting, looking over my shoulder. Unless you’re naked over my shoulder, of course, I’ll look then. I’m ready to make a forever life with you. The one we should have had before life threw us a nasty curve ball.

Don’t believe me? Here’s how I know: in a person’s lifetime there are so many different types of love. Love that’s just a verb, love that’s merely content to exist, and then there’s our love—a feeling so strong that the word doesn’t do it justice. It exists in every space on the planet regardless of the circumstances (I know, I’ve tested it) and it transcends time, morphing to resemble what we need it to during any given moment. I think that’s the kind of love that means the most. It changes when we need it to and stays steadfast at the same time. We have the time and space kind of love, Fast Lane.

P.S. I didn’t say it, but I do love you.

Always. Time and space.

Cody

And with the conclusion of the most beautifully tragic email in the world, I lose the last shreds of sanity. My arms shake, but I manage to throw my goddamned laptop at the wall so hard that it dents the thick drywall. “How about this time and space, you asshole!” I yell. I fold my arms on my desk, crown them with my head, and cry some more.

What else am I supposed to do? You can’t lose the love of your life twice and expect to recover fully intact. Wrap it in bacon if you want to make it more palatable, but you can go ahead and choke on your happily ever after.

No one gets those these days.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Cody

One Month Later

THE ENDLESS LINES of code on my computer screens are making my eyes blur. Fifteen hours of coding and I’m finally stopping for a break. I forgot to eat today. Molly called and reminded me. I stretch my arms over my head and crack my neck. I need a workout, too—a long, long workout to drain me of my pent-up energy and sexual frustration. You’d think after a month, I would’ve at least found a woman to fuck on the regular, but I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. It feels…wrong. My dick, on the other hand, doesn’t care and we’re looming closer and closer to accepting one of the many dates Molly has made for us. I say ‘us’ because my dick is the deciding factor. I can’t make good decisions, maybe he can. I’ve let the guys take over RC for the time being. I make more money selling code. It’s mostly because it helps me forget everything else. Other than a few check-in calls daily, Horse and Van have taken the reigns. V? He’s mine. The guys know it.

I’ve received the intel from Dax and I’ve got a tracker on V. We’re in the middle of planning the perfect method for capturing him. The scenarios play in front of my eyelids when I close them to sleep at night. Most aren’t logical or reasonable scenarios, but fuck, it’s my dreams. They all end with the same fate. V dead, lying in front of my boots, and me finally sucking in clean oxygen for the first time since my captivity all those years ago. Not only will I be able to rest easy knowing he’s paid for what he’s done to me, but his wrath won’t be available to anyone else either. I’m doing the world