THE CRAZY GOOD SERIES - Rachel Robinson Page 0,112

wild and fierce and unstoppable. I lift my face to the ceiling and scream. The pain is unbearable. The loss cuts me inside and outside, and sears every good thing about my being. Resting my hands on the side of the sleek wood, I ask for another chance. I beg for another opportunity to do it all over while simultaneously thanking God for the time I did have. The pain of heartbreak is different when it comes hand-in-hand with death. There isn’t an option of maybe sometime in the future, and second chances don’t exist. This was of course, just a dream.

I sit in the very back choking on the memories of my nightmare as I watch Morganna Sterns, powerhouse, walk to the front of the church, tears streaming down her face so quickly that she wouldn’t be able to stop them if she wanted to. They’re the uncontrollable kind of tears that have a mind of their own. They won’t stop until you’re dehydrated or finally pass out from exhaustion. Her flat-soled shoes don’t echo and she doesn’t bother with a veil. Morganna is fractured, irretrievably broken by Stone’s death. Maverick is by her side, holding her up, forcing her forward, toward the coffin. This is their reality. It’s also the first time I’ve seen Maverick since the hospital. My stomach flips, without my permission. It’s weird to be in love with someone who almost seems like a stranger.

I haven’t spoken to Morganna since she invited me to the funeral. I didn’t find out about Stone’s death until after I got home from the fateful trip to the hospital to visit Maverick…and his wife. Morganna explained away the marriage easily, almost too easily, and I wondered what she got out of confessing these things. Surely breaking confidentiality isn’t something she makes a habit of.

I’m not sure why I haven’t called Maverick or why he hasn’t called me. It doesn’t matter. I know the man I love is gone. Sure, he may be somewhere inside, but his life song is altered indefinitely. People come into your life for different reasons. Some give you something you didn’t know you ever needed. Others take things you didn’t know you should give. Stone gave Maverick love. What happens to a person when the only person who gives you unending love dies? I don’t know specifics. I’m not sure exactly how he died. I know they were together.

An older pair with silver streaked hair stand and hug both Morganna and Maverick. Phillipe leans over and whispers, “Stone’s parents.”

Maverick’s back is to me, a fact I’m thankful for. I’m not sure what seeing his grief will do to me. Distancing myself from him has been hard enough. I’m sure I’ll crack any day and forgive him for lying about his wife. Part of me thinks that it won’t be enough. That some other unspoken grievance hangs over us. The urge to comfort him is overwhelming. Why doesn’t he want me to do that for him? I respect Morganna enough to not hassle her for details. Keeping my distance is the only way I know how to react.

Kathy visited me for a few days after I came home from the hospital. We got along, surprisingly. I think it was because she sympathized with my plight. Or was happy she was right about Maverick. Whatever the reason, she was there for me in a way that still confuses me. Although she did leave after she got a phone call from Bill, number five, because he wanted to come back home. She wanted to be there when he got back from whatever “vacation” he claimed to be on. She didn’t listen to me when I told her that’s not what love is about. Spouses don’t just leave and return whenever they please. She responded by shoving my life’s mistakes back into my face. I obviously didn’t know what love was either, or I wouldn’t have fallen for a married man. My mom has me so delusional that I honestly question whether she’s right. A person, who loves you doesn’t just stop talking to you during a time of need. If anything they need you more. My mind plays awful tricks on me. I hope Maverick comes around.

I’ve planned what I want to say to Maverick a million times and changed it a billion more. I remember when my Dad died everyone said the same things to me because there are certain things that must be said. Not because