“Thank God.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I usually make them buy me dinner first.”
I was surprised at the small twinge of jealousy that flared in my belly. I didn’t want to think of Mark with anyone else, even if he was joking.
“So,” he said uncomfortably, “your parents are pretty much set to leave, but we need to pack up your stuff tonight so we can hit the road early.”
“We?” I asked as Olive started to nurse. “You’re coming with us?”
“We’re all going,” Mark said. He laid down on his side and propped up his head with his hand. “Just because there’s shit happening in Eugene doesn’t mean that fuckwad is going to stop messin’ with you. If you guys need to head north, we’re headed north.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I said quietly. “Once we’re there, you know I’ll be safe.”
“Can’t take the chance,” he said, his expression grim. “Not willing to.”
As I stared at him, I remembered all the different ways he’d made me feel safe when we were young. The way he’d always been so attuned to me that he would notice when I was upset from across a crowded room. How intently he used to watch me when I talked, like nothing was more important than what I had to say. And then, like a blow to the windpipe, I remembered when he’d torn that all away.
“Cec?” He must have seen something in my expression, because he sounded both worried and guarded.
“I can’t believe Rose is missing,” I said, bringing the conversation around to what was really important. “Have they heard anything else?”
“No,” Mark said with a sigh. “They don’t know shit. Literally nothing except that she disappeared from work and she was with Mack.”
“I thought they’d broken up,” I mused.
“Guess not,” Mark said with a shrug. “That shit’s never black and white.”
“Sometimes it is,” I murmured, not meeting his eyes.
He sighed and sat up. “Yeah, sometimes it is. You want me to send your mom in to help you pack up?”
I looked over to the bags neatly lined up against the wall. We hadn’t unpacked anything, I’d just been grabbing supplies as I needed them. Surprise, surprise, I hadn’t touched half of the crap I’d bought during my manic spending spree.
“Sure,” I said as he reached the door. He didn’t even turn to acknowledge my answer.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that,” I whispered to Olive, running my fingertips over her scalp. “But sometimes you have to face reality, you know? He’s handsome and he smells good, but don’t get used to him, okay? He won’t be around much longer.” I ran my finger over the tiny whorl of her ear. “He’s not for us.”
Hours later, after my mom had carried all but one bag down to Mark’s truck, we’d eaten dinner, and I’d nursed Olive to sleep—I ignored the warning I’d given the baby as Mark slid into bed behind me and wrapped his arm around my waist.
He may not be for us, but I couldn’t find the willpower to keep my distance until he disappeared from our lives.
“How you feelin’?” he asked, his breath tickling the back of my neck. “Any better?”
“A little,” I replied in a whisper. “I think that medicine your friend got is working.”
“You say that like you’re surprised,” he said with a small chuckle. “It’s antibiotics, Cec, just like you’d get from your doctor.”
“Bought in some back alley,” I muttered.
“Since when are you too snobby for illegal meds?” he asked, a smile in his voice. “Pretty sure my pop supplied you with quite a few of them when we were kids.”
“That was different,” I argued. “Number one, I knew Doc. Number two, I was a kid and didn’t know any better. Number three, I pay through the nose for insurance so I don’t have to buy black market antibiotics.”
“Well, we just saved you a co-pay and the cost of prescription meds.”
I didn’t reply, because he kind of had a point. Instead, I finally said out loud what had been playing on a loop in my head for hours.
“I’m scared for Rose,” I confessed, closing my eyes. “I know they’re doing everything they can to find her, and I’m sure she’s fine, but I’m terrified.”
“I know you are,” he replied, kissing my head.
“She doesn’t even like me,” I said quietly enough that I could pretend he might not hear me. “She wouldn’t give me a second thought if the roles were reversed.”