go about professing my love for someone when I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never even come close to it.
Can’t someone just write a book on this? That’d be so much easier. A nice how-to guide on groveling. I’d buy the shit out of that book.
“Yo, Brooks,” I hear over the noise of my welder as Jake taps me on the shoulder.
I push my helmet off. “What’s up?”
“Lunch, man. We’re going to the diner again and you’re coming with.”
“No, thanks.” I shove my helmet back down, turning back to my work.
He yanks on me again. “Sorry, man. You’re going.”
“I’m not.”
Another pull, and I finally wrench my helmet off again.
“I said I wasn’t going.”
He steps back, holding his hands up. “Dude, it’s not my decision. I’d love to leave your crabby ass here, but the boss called and said we need to clear out. He has someone coming in to look at the place and doesn’t want us riffraff bothering them.”
Fuck.
I don’t want to go out with the crew. I’m more than happy to sit in my truck and stew, the same thing I’ve been doing for two weeks now.
We started on the project replacing Maya’s old building on the day she moved out. One last Fuck you from the universe.
I sigh. “Fine. But I’m not driving your ass. Get your own ride.” I shoulder past him, sending him stumbling.
“Love you too, buddy,” he calls to my back, laughing.
I toss my tools into my truck, then yank off my welding jacket. It’s freezing outside and I’m wearing nothing but a white short-sleeved tee, but I don’t bother putting on anything else.
I welcome the cold.
It’s how my world feels anyway.
The drive to The Gravy Train isn’t long, and I’m pulling into the parking lot long before I want to. I could go home and avoid facing the crew, but home reminds me of Maya and everything I pushed away.
At least the diner doesn’t…too much.
I swing the door open, and the moment I do, I hear it.
Her laugh.
My eyes find the source of the sound, and all the air is stolen from my lungs. Her head is tossed back, shoulders shaking as she laughs at something Sam said.
She’s gorgeous. Stunning.
And for the briefest moment in time, she was all mine.
I want to charge over there, tell her I’m an idiot and I screwed up and I want her back in my bed…my home…my life…more than anything else I’ve ever wanted, but I can’t seem to make myself move.
I’m too fucking scared.
The urge to run away hits me again. I find my feet, spinning on my heel to bolt, but I’m stopped.
“No way.” Jake shoves me back inside. “We’re having lunch and you will enjoy every damn minute of it.”
I could fight him off, shove back, but all it would do is draw attention to us, and that’s the last thing I want. With reluctance, I shuffle into the restaurant and get in line behind the other guys.
I can feel her eyes on me and I revel in it, having missed it way too much the past few weeks.
“Nolan!”
I slam my eyes closed, taking a steadying breath, then paste on a beaming smile.
I turn to Sam. “Hey, shithead. What’s up?”
“Not much. I finally beat that big boss we couldn’t get past.”
“Nice. Sad I couldn’t be there to help.”
I apologized to him the night I yelled, and luckily he forgave me. I’ve grown fond of him over the last few months, and Maya leaving would have hurt even more if I’d known Sam left mad at me too.
“Yeah. Me too. You missed my birthday party this weekend.” He shrugs, then slides his hands into his pockets, hanging his head. “But it’s cool. Mom said you had to work, so I get it. Just wish you could have come.”
Regret twists in my gut.
Fuck, I’m an asshole.
Seeing now how much I hurt him fucks me up in a way I wasn’t expecting, and my chest tightens with emotion.
I swallow it down, clearing my throat. “I’m sorry.”
Another shrug. “It’s okay.”
“Why, uh, why aren’t you in school?”
“Skip day.” He points to his mom, who is watching us with a sharp gaze. Our eyes collide, and I can’t breathe all over again. “Mom’s over there. I have to go to the bathroom.”
He squeezes past me, leaving me standing there like a fool while everyone stares at me.
“Go talk to her, man.” Jake gives me a gentle shove. “Apologize to her for whatever you did.”