is how he deals, this is it, and I’ll accept that.”
Dean’s face falls, not liking that answer. “But what about”—he points between us—“this? River? Us?”
“If I can co-parent with my ex-husband, I think I’ll be just fine co-friending with Nolan.”
His eyes search mine, and I try to convey as much reassurance as I can.
He accepts what he sees with a dip of his chin. “Okay. But if I need to go kick his ass, just say the word. He certainly has it coming.”
I laugh, imagining the kids’ reaction to Dean showing up at school with a black eye. “Have I mentioned lately how glad I am that you and River finally got over your shit? She’s lucky you put up with her.”
“Thank you! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell her. I’m practically Prince Fucking Charming.”
“I don’t think Prince Charming’s middle name is fucking.”
He gives me a mischievous grin. “It is in my version.” He winks. “Night, Maya.”
“Good night, Dean.”
I close the door behind him, sinking against it, the weight of the last week taking its toll.
I’m worn out.
From moving.
From pretending I’m okay.
From acting like my heart isn’t on fire.
I skip my bath, but not the bottle of wine.
When my head hits the pillow and I reach across the empty bed, the tears finally come.
18
Nolan
It’s ironic, really, me sitting at Hole in One slinging back shots.
The night I met Maya, I tried to convince her I wasn’t there to nurse a broken heart.
Tonight, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I couldn’t bear the thought of going home to an empty apartment again, so I’m sitting on a barstool trying to drown my sorrows. This is the third night this week Donny has fed me drinks.
I’m starting to feel a buzz, but it’s nowhere near the one I felt whenever Maya was there.
It never is.
If this is even a fraction of what my father felt when my mother left, I have no idea how the old man held out as long as he did.
I’m tired because I’m not sleeping. Being in my bed without her doesn’t feel right. I’m hungry because I’m not eating because I can’t, and my head is throbbing because it’s waging a constant battle with my heart.
If this is being in love, no thanks.
It’s fucking exhausting.
The worst part of it all? This is my own damn fault.
I knew the moment I let my frustration out and directed it at Sam I’d fucked up. Deep down I didn’t mean to yell at the kid, but I couldn’t stop the words coming out of my mouth. I wanted to hurt her before she could hurt me.
It’s what I do. What I’ve always done.
And I’m a fucking moron for doing so.
Being without her these last few weeks…I know that now.
Dean was right about the moments. They’re all I have to cling to, and I find myself escaping into them more than I probably should since I’m the one who did the leaving like a coward.
Someone bumps into me, jostling the fresh shot of whiskey in my hand.
It’s rare I ever do shots, but I needed them today.
“What the…”
The words die on my lips when Dean comes into view and a shadow falls over me as Cooper slips onto the stool on my other side.
I tighten my hand around the shot glass and toss the liquid back, then I run the back of my hand across my lips.
“What.”
It’s not a question. Not really.
It’s more of a Fuck off, and they both know it. They just don’t give a shit.
Dean chuckles. “Good to see you too, buddy.”
I’ve been avoiding him. Hell, I’ve been avoiding everyone. I’m grumpy and agitated. No sense in making everyone else suffer too.
“What are you doing here?”
“Donny called me,” Dean answers, nodding toward the bartender, who sets two drinks in front of the guys.
I glare at him. “The fuck, Donny?”
He holds his hands up. “Just doing my job.”
“Sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong?”
“Caring about my customers, especially the ones I like the most.” He pours me another shot. “That one is on the house. You’re welcome.”
I tip it back, grimacing as my stomach turns.
I need to slow down. I haven’t eaten today, and I’m not used to drinking like this.
Like he can read my mind, Donny sets a glass of water in front of me.
“You’re officially cut off,” he says, then he stalks away.
I don’t argue. I don’t have the energy.
It’s probably for the best though. The last thing I need is to get wasted and do something stupid