Panic slams into my chest and I put my hand over my heart, trying to calm it.
Oh god. What the hell are we doing? Why did we think this was a good idea?
“Hey, I fell for someone I wasn’t supposed to fall for either.”
Caroline and I laugh.
“Please,” Caroline says, “you and Dean never hated each other. You just couldn’t get over yourselves long enough to see that.”
River pulls a face. “Whatever.” She reaches for my hand. “Listen, I’m not mad…but I do think you need to look deep in your heart and be honest with yourself. Then with Nolan. It’ll make things easier when you show him the email.”
She’s right. Of course she’s right.
I need to talk to Nolan about this.
How the hell am I going to tell him I’m falling in love with him?
“Hey.” Nolan beams at me from his perch on his reading chair, long legs stretched out before him, his bare feet hanging off the edge because he’s so tall. There’s a book in his hands and he puts a finger between the pages to hold his spot. “How was your day?”
He looks so good sitting there in nothing but those black sweats that make me want to rub my thighs together. I can’t help it when my feet carry me across the room and straight into his lap.
This isn’t the first time I’ve found him reading in my room, and part of me likes to believe he spends his time in here because he misses me.
“Oh, so that’s where we’re going, huh? All right. I can get behind this. Thank god Sam’s downstairs for a guitar lesson right now.”
His fingers dig into my waist and he buries his face in my neck, kissing and sucking on all the spots he knows I like.
I rub against him like I’m sex-deprived, never mind the fact that he spent the morning between my legs before sending me off to work.
“You taste so good,” he murmurs, licking at my skin. “I could get used to that.”
I don’t think he realizes he says it aloud.
If he does, it doesn’t hit him the same way it hits me.
I don’t know whether I’m thankful for that or upset by it.
I don’t get the chance to dwell on it as his fingers find their way under my shirt. He pulls the material up my body, tossing it somewhere nearby. He unhooks my bra like he’s an expert at it, and considering the number of times he’s taken it off over the past few weeks, I guess he is.
He kisses my breasts until I’m writhing against him, then he unbuttons my jeans, sliding his hand into my underwear. He presses a finger into me, then two, using his thumb to play with my clit.
When he adds a third one, I fall apart around him, collapsing into his arms as I come back down to earth.
I’ve died and gone straight to heaven with his arms wrapped tightly around me, his fingers ghosting up and down my bare back as he kisses me lazily, his lips coaxing me back to life.
“Need you,” he mutters against me.
“Take me,” I answer.
He lifts us off the chair long enough to lay me down on my back. He strips his sweats off, then pulls my jeans down and fits himself between my legs like he’s always belonged there.
And really, he has.
He hooks my leg around his waist and slides into me with a grunt, his eyes never leaving mine as he makes lazy thrusts.
There’s no rush, no hurried frenzy like the one that’s been between us.
We take our time.
We don’t speak.
Don’t make a sound.
Not when another orgasm races through me and not when he empties himself inside of me.
Something passes between us.
Something that scares me.
That scares him.
And I know in that moment we are completely screwed.
16
Nolan
Maya told me yesterday River knows about us, so I wasn’t surprised when my phone started blowing up on the jobsite today.
Dean: I FUCKING KNEW IT!
Dean: “Nothing,” he said.
Dean: Nothing my ass!
Dean: Fucker.
Me: Are you done having a hissy fit?
Dean: No.
Dean: Yes.
Dean: Beers tonight?
Me: Hole in One? 7?
Dean: Sounds good.
Dean: You owe me several drinks.
Dean: GIF of someone shaking head
“That your girlfriend again?” Jake asks, legs swinging back and forth as we take a break on the bed of my truck.
“No, Dean—though sometimes he feels like my girlfriend.”
Jake laughs. “Best friends can be pains in the dick…much like girlfriends.”