And what’s happening is the storm brewing in her eyes.
She’s upset, but I can tell it’s not with me.
“No,” she mutters, slamming her eyes closed. “No, no, no.” She lifts her lids again, that fucking gray stare penetrating me. “We can’t.”
We…can’t?
Oh fuck.
We can’t.
I push away from her, not stopping until I’m safely on the other side of the hall because I can’t think clearly when I’m near her.
She flattens herself against the wall, tipping her head up, sucking in several deep breaths while I do the same.
What the hell am I thinking? What the hell am I doing?
We can’t get into this together.
She’s not some random girl I met at the bar. She’s not some chick I met on an app for a hookup.
She’s my roommate.
She’s River’s best friend.
She’s a mom.
Attachment after attachment after fucking attachment.
We cannot do this.
It’s too risky.
“I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I shouldn’t have let things go so far.”
“Don’t.” I shake my head. “It’s my fault. I’m the one who initiated it.”
“But I didn’t stop it,” she argues.
Fine. If she wants part of the blame, she can have it.
We stand there for several minutes longer. Or hours. I can’t really tell at this point.
Maya is the first to move.
She bends, grabbing my three dropped—and long-forgotten—books off the floor. The pages are bent, but it’s nothing a bit of weight can’t straighten out.
She takes a step toward me. “I’m sorry about your books.”
I shrug, pushing off the wall and meeting her in the middle. “It’s fine. Books are meant to be read and beat up a little bit. That’s what they’re there for.”
She nods, and her eyes drop to my lips, like she’s considering kissing me again. I watch the turmoil work its way through her gaze until there’s nothing there but resolve.
Resolve that we can’t do this.
She pushes her shoulders back and lifts her chin, then holds the books out to me. I stare at them a beat before I accept them, not wanting to accept that this is for the best.
But we both know it is.
We move carefully, ensuring our fingertips don’t brush during the exchange.
She takes a steadying breath, then nods again before moving toward her room.
I grab her wrist.
I don’t fucking know why I grab her wrist.
She glances down to where my fingers are encircling her, then her eyes flit to mine.
They’re questioning, and I don’t have the answers.
Instead, I swipe my thumb over the inside of her wrist.
“Good night, Juliet.”
One side of her lips tips up. “Good night, Romeo.”
And somehow, with all the willpower in the world, I let her go.
The next day is every bit as awkward as I lay in bed imagining it would be.
Maya’s sitting on one side of the kitchen counter, sipping a glass of wine to go along with the pasta dish she cooked up.
I’m standing as far away from her as I can get, practically in the corner of the kitchen like a kid who’s done something bad and awaits a punishment.
“Thank you for the creamer.” She takes another drink from her glass.
I went to the store the night before she moved in and made sure I had enough food to get us by until we could figure out a grocery schedule. I remembered she used vanilla creamer in her coffee at The Gravy Train, so I made sure to grab a container of it.
“Welcome.”
“And for the muffins this morning.”
I barely slept last night after we went our separate ways and was up well before my alarm clock went off. Normally I’d whip up a few eggs and toast for breakfast, but I didn’t want to risk waking Maya up, so I ran down to the diner and grabbed something quick.
“No problem,” I tell her.
Because it wasn’t. If I hadn’t left, I’d have probably done something stupid like crawl into bed with her.
The walk to the diner helped clear my head.
Last night was a big mistake, one we can’t let happen again—one I don’t intend on letting happen again. From here on out, we’re strictly roommates.
“Do you not like the pasta?”
“Huh?”
She nods toward the bowl I’m holding in my hand. “You’ve hardly touched it. I figured you’d be starving after being out all day. If it’s not good, that’s okay too. I told you I know my way around the kitchen a bit, but it doesn’t mean all my dishes are hits.”
I was starving…until I remembered I had to come home to Maya in my apartment.