I will not think about how I only have weeks to find a place to live.
Drinks. I need drinks.
I’ve known River White since we were eight years old. We’ve been best friends since the day she moved into the house next door and have been through every major life event together. We run a business together. See each other almost every day.
There is no doubt she knows me better than anyone else in this entire world.
So why she believes I want to go for drinks at a hole-in-the-wall, dingy sports bar is beyond me.
But here I am, pulling open the door to Hole in One and stepping into the crowded room. Almost all the tables are occupied, and I only spy a few empty spots at the bar.
I do a quick sweep, not seeing River anywhere, then head toward the bar, squeezing onto one of the few empty stools and flagging down the bartender. He nods, letting me know he’ll be with me in a moment, and returns his attention to the couple in front of him.
I pull my phone out of my purse and shoot off a message to River.
Me: Are you sure you told me the right place? There’s A LOT of sports crap on these walls…
River: Unfortunately, yes. Dean loves it for some godforsaken reason.
River: GIF of Judge Judy rolling her eyes
River: We’re running a little late, just so you know…
River: SORRY
Me: You’re totally having sex, aren’t you?
River: Well, not right now, no.
River: But we might have…
Me: GIF of Rachel from Friends saying I’m so happy and not at all jealous
River: You know you love me.
Me: Right now? You’re like my fourth favorite person.
River: Top 5, baby!
River: Be there soon. *kissy-face emoji*
I set my phone to vibrate and slide it back into my purse to resist any temptation to spend the whole evening on it being disappointed when I come up empty-handed.
The cab ride here was spent scrolling through apartments, and I only came up with one new listing in a place on the line of the school district. I bet if I made enough of a stink, I could keep Sam in his current school. I filled out the application and sent up a prayer.
It’s about all I can do right now—keep hoping something lands in my lap. Positive energy and all that mumbo jumbo.
The only thing I’m positive about right now is needing a drink.
Where the hell is the bartender?
I spot him at the other end of the bar, talking with a different customer now. He looks like he’s going to be a while. I let my eyes drift over the sports-focused establishment.
The walls are littered with memorabilia that means nothing to me. Sam loves sports and even played football this school year. They may interest my kid, but I still can’t seem to get into them—not that it stops me from going to every single game and being the loudest mom on the sidelines.
I shift my gaze, doing another sweep in case River has arrived.
Nothing.
But what I do notice has my shoulders shrinking, and that familiar feeling of sadness hits me in the gut.
There are couples snuggled up in every corner.
One guy leans into a beautiful blonde, brushing his lips across her cheek and to her ear. She giggles, leaning into him and clutching his thigh.
Two guys sit with their heads together at a booth in the back, their smiles full of promises of what’s to come.
I’m so damn destitute for romance of any kind, and jealousy and longing run through me.
I spent my formative years with the same man who got me pregnant at sixteen, Patrick, and we were together for eleven years. Though we’ve now been divorced for two, I haven’t dated anyone since him. Haven’t slept with anyone either. Hell, I haven’t kissed anyone since him.
Lonely is my middle name at this point.
It could be hormones and all the stress of this apartment fiasco, but I’ve been extra miserable about the state of my love life—or lack thereof—since my two best friends have found that once-in-a-lifetime kind of love in the last six months.
I watch River and Dean bicker and argue—then make up within two minutes. Watch Caroline and Cooper, who have been best friends for a decade, stare at each other with nothing but hearts in their eyes.
I want that.
I want to know what it’s like to be loved again. Want to feel what they’re feeling, that rush when someone looks at you like you’re their whole world. I miss