The Cowboy Who Saved Christmas - Jodi Thomas Page 0,61

never seen that man be a stable boss. He ran a tight ship, once upon a time.

“Miss Lila, thank you so much for this,” I said, taking the older woman’s hand in mine and covering it with my other one. “If I don’t see you, have a very Merry Christmas.”

Her eyes warmed, looking a little wistful. “Thank you, Mr. Mason. I’ll send some sugar cookies over for your daughter.”

I smiled. “Just Ben. And she’d love that, thank you.”

When I moved my gaze to Josie, Lila immediately slipped from the room. We were alone. I could have kissed her if I’d wanted, but I had to stop thinking like that. What had happened outside was a fluke and a mistake. There was too much water under this bridge. Right now, things needed to be said. Whether she wanted to hear them or not.

I love you.

I love you more.

Our old banter filled my head and I had to shake it free.

“Josie, I was hired to do a job five years ago, and then I fell for you and handled everything after that like a lovestruck boy. I did nothing right. And I’m sorry.”

Her eyes looked distant as she gazed off at nothing. “I still can’t believe my father hired a spy to watch his own people. That he did that without telling me. That you did the same.”

“Things were happening that he felt in his gut but couldn’t prove, and no one knew me,” I said. “And I was sworn to secrecy.”

“From me.”

“From everyone,” I said. “But I told you that night—”

“Only because you were stuck,” she said, her gaze coming back to meet mine. “If I’d never come to that party . . .”

“My hand may have been forced, Josie,” I said, stepping forward. “But what you don’t know is that I’d already decided that night that I was done with it all.”

I could feel the heat radiating from her as I moved closer to her, to see her breathing quicken, her tongue dart out to wet her lips as she worked equally hard to neutralize her expression. I gritted my teeth and focused back on her eyes instead of her mouth.

“Before I saw you, or Winifred, or anyone,” I continued. “I was upstairs putting on my coat, practicing what to say to you, how to lay it all out there and ask you to marry me as soon as you arrived. That very night.” Those huge, dark eyes widened, her eyelashes fluttering in a way I knew she’d hate but that sent a zing straight to my cock. “There was nothing contrived about that, Josie. Or my feelings for you. I didn’t care where we’d go or what we’d do; all that mattered was that you were with me.”

Her eyes filled with tears, and when one spilled over, I reached out to brush it from her cheek. The contact was like an electric jolt through my body, but I stayed where I was. All the next choices had to be hers.

“Everything might have blown up afterward, but that was as real as it could be,” I said, forcing my hand back down to my side. “That’s all there is to my story. There are no more secrets. You can tell yourself you’re all you have, but Malcolm was right. You ran from me once and never looked back. If you do that again, it’s your own choice. I can’t make you trust me. You do what you have to do.”

Before I could change my mind and sweep her into my arms, I walked away. Out of the room, out of the house, lifting my collar against the wet cold as I headed to the small horse stable for King.

Chapter 12

1904

Josie

I didn’t go.

It killed me, and went against every fiber of my being not to be out there, dealing with my own cattle, my own business, but Malcolm’s words kept echoing in my head. All that afternoon and into the night, as I lay in bed until the sun peeked in on the next dreaded day.

Malcolm’s, not Ben’s.

Malcolm telling me to get out of my own way.

I couldn’t think about Ben basically telling me it was all up to me. Or that he’d brought up the marriage proposal from five years ago with as much fervor and passion as he had the night he’d made it, fire burning in his eyes. Or that after just one day of him back in my world, I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him. About