The Cowboy Who Saved Christmas - Jodi Thomas Page 0,42

had a deep sense of integrity. Granted, she didn’t yet have any world experience to test it, but still. My instincts told me that she would walk away if I was honest with her. Possibly even lose respect for her father.

I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her, but my own integrity was eating me alive.

And now, with my uncle and Theodore insisting that I be at this ridiculous thing—for what? To blow my cover? It made no sense. No hands would be there, but it was a huge risk. Theodore didn’t know about the ruse; he just thought I was working elsewhere, but he was nosy and prone to eavesdropping.

I was sure Josie would still come, regardless of my pleas. It was her birthday, after all. Of course, she’d want to come to a party. To try to bring a special memory to a day she dreaded every year. I’d swallowed my pride and the bitter bile that rose in my throat when I’d played the jealousy card, like a lesser man would, but I couldn’t think of any other way to get her to stay home. The real kick in the pants was knowing that it was that very streak of wild independence that made me so damn crazy about her.

She would show up, on her father’s arm and look directly at me, and the whole room would know. She’d be surprised, and then confused, and then that thing we had would radiate off us and her father would punch me, and my uncle would kick me out, and chaos would ensue, and all the ridiculous Christmas decorations would be for nothing.

But what could I do? Hide in the kitchen?

No.

I met my own eyes in the mirror with acute clarity. No more.

“It’s done,” I murmured.

I would tell her tonight. All of it. As soon as she arrived. She might get mad, but I had to hope that her feelings for me would win and she’d give me a chance to explain. We had no future if I kept up this lie, and no chance of being together at all if we didn’t come clean with her father.

He might kill me.

But I’d take that chance. Because—

“Shit,” I muttered, realizing with a stab to the chest what came after that because. “You want to marry her.”

“Ben-ja-min,” Theodore intoned outside my door, making my jaw clench.

“What, The-o-dore?” I responded, pulling open the door to his perpetually unhappy expression.

His right eyebrow lifted. “Your uncle asked me to come tell you that guests are arriving and you should come down.”

Go down into hell, or the moment of truth. I blew out a breath.

“Tell him I’m on my way.”

“I’ll rush right to it,” Theodore said dryly. “And by the way, one of them is asking for you specifically.”

My stomach flipped over. “The Bancrofts are here?”

It was now or never. I’d pull her into the library and tell her everything. And then hit one knee and—God, that was terrifying. I’d done it before, and it was cold and awkward with no love and a lot of giggling, but I hadn’t been nervous. I hadn’t been anything. I had no idea it could feel like this. Like my whole life depended on her words.

I had no ring, but that could come. Winifred kept hers, and that was a small price to pay for my freedom when I left. I couldn’t wait to see Josie now, my nerves shot to hell for a whole different reason. It would be okay. I had to believe that. And then afterward, I’d bring her here, to this room, and make love to her properly, in my bed instead of on a rock, watching her rumple my sheets. Well, no, that would have to come later, too. When her father wasn’t here.

“Benjamin!” Theodore said, startling me.

“What?”

“I asked you why on earth the Bancrofts would be asking for you?”

I blinked. “So, it isn’t them?” I asked. “Who is it?”

“I believe it was a Miss Harwell,” he said, turning and continuing on.

My feet took root in the wooden-planked floor, as his steps moved farther away.

No.

Winifred couldn’t have come here. All the way to Texas. Alone. But he didn’t mention my father being with her, and he would have known him, even after so many years gone. Suddenly propelled into panicked motion, I sprinted down the long hallway to the stairs.

I heard her high-pitched laughter even before I reached the bottom. Saw her perfectly coifed blond locks and fake smile and head tilt that