I’m safe and Ford’s not. It’s all my fault too, all of this.
“I feel like a bitch,” I admit.
She frowns but doesn’t push me for more right away. I know that she wants to hear it though, so I let out a sigh and explain myself.
“I’m here safe and he’s not. It’s all my fault. This mess is all because of me, and he’s the one suffering.”
She doesn’t say anything right away, but then she takes her hand and covers mine with it. “You’re not selfish. Trust me when I tell you that Ford wouldn’t want this any other way. He would not want you to be the one in danger, ever. He would gladly take the brunt of whatever is being thrown his way to keep you safe. You have to know that.”
“Yeah,” I breathe as tears fill my eyes again. “I do.”
Tulip’s fingers lace in mine and we stay there in silence drinking our hot drinks for a few more minutes. “The girls are going to want to stay with you while the boys go out later. And the boys will want everyone safe and together, just in case.”
“Okay.” I nod.
“I’m just saying, because as a group we can be overwhelming sometimes, but everyone is going to want to know details and they’ll all be terrified.”
“They love Ford,” I mutter.
“And you.”
Shaking my head, I dip my chin and look down into my half-empty cup. “No, not me. Him. I get it, too. I turned my back on the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. I ran from him, then I did it again, and this time he was taken because of me. I don’t even know if he’s still alive. I can feel it in my gut that something really bad has happened.”
“You’re just scared,” she whispers.
We don’t say anything else, in fact, we sit in silence as we stare straight ahead, only moving to bring our mugs to our lips. I don’t know how much time passes, but that’s exactly how Louis finds us.
His lips twitch into a smile. “Guys will be here in about fifteen. You girls gonna get up?” he asks, his eyes flicking from one of us to the other, back and forth.
“Yeah,” Tulip sighs.
Without even having to be asked, Louis rushes to her side and helps her off of the bed. “I am ready to meet this little one,” she groans.
“Soon, right?” I ask, still staring into space.
“Just a few days,” she whispers.
We don’t say anything else as they walk out of my room, closing the door behind them. Fifteen minutes. It doesn’t seem like very much time, but honestly, it feels like a lifetime without Ford. Every minute that passes feels like an hour.
Slowly, I roll out of bed and head into the bathroom to get ready for the day. I don’t know what I’m getting ready for. I know that none of these men will allow me to join them.
I’m going to be stuck pacing the living room, being watched by the women who love Ford, and although they’d never say it, they’ll be blaming me subconsciously.
I don’t bother dressing up. Grabbing the shorts and t-shirt that I threw in my bag, I pull them on before I slip my feet into a pair of shoes. I let out a heavy sigh as I throw my hair up in a messy bun and for the first time in probably a decade, I walk toward a room full of people completely barefaced.
“Oh, Stephanie,” Channing whimpers as soon as I step foot into the living room.
Without any warning, she launches herself at me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and starts to cry. Pinching my eyes closed, I try not to let my own tears fall. I am so tired of crying already. All I want to do is have Ford back, all of him, in one piece.
Channing takes a step back and I watch as she wipes the wetness from her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m just… it’s Ford,” she whispers.
“Yeah,” I agree.
“How are you doing?” Exeter asks.
I shrug a shoulder, unsure of what to say. “I don’t know how I feel, I’m numb,” I admit.
The women are quiet, and I’m thankful when the room fills with the men. The doorbell sounds and everyone’s spines straighten. I almost ask who it could be, but Louis jogs toward the door. He doesn’t even look in the peephole, he just turns the knob and tugs it open.