After tonight, she understood exactly what he was saying. She saw what it was like for him at that rodeo. How people related to him. Why wouldn’t he want that life instead of this one?
“When I was growing up, most people wouldn’t even look me in the eye,” Luke said. “Some of them in this town still won’t. How do you think that feels?”
“I don’t know,” she said quietly.
“Of course you don’t. Because you’ve always been somebody other people looked up to, not down.”
He was right. She couldn’t imagine what it had been like for him. She just wished he would try to look at things differently now. Realize that things had changed. He had changed. Maybe now it wasn’t how the people in Rainbow Valley felt about him. It was how he felt about himself.
“What about you?” he asked. “Would you ever consider leaving Rainbow Valley?”
“I’ve thought about it,” she said. “But this is home. I had no idea how much I loved this place until I came back. And the animals…” She shook her head, not looking at him. “I can’t imagine ever leaving again.”
Each of them knew what they were asking the other, and both of them had their answers.
Just then she heard Luke’s text message tone. He pulled out his phone. Took a look. She saw his jaw tighten ever so slightly, and then he put the phone back in his pocket.
“Bad news?”
“It’s nothing.”
“I need to go,” she said. “Good night, Luke. Thanks for a wonderful time.”
Before he could say anything else, she got out of his truck and went into her apartment. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, fighting the regret she knew was coming. There had been a time earlier in the evening when it had crossed her mind that she might invite Luke in tonight. Maybe ask him to stay. And now that she hadn’t, all she could think about was how much she wished she had. After tonight, she wanted him so much she was in danger of becoming obsessed. But if she gave in to that, what would she feel like when he eventually left this place and never came back? And that was exactly what was going to happen. He couldn’t have made it any clearer if he’d shouted it. She remembered how she’d felt all those years ago when she woke up to find him gone, and if she put herself in a position to be hurt by it again, it was her own damned fault.
She sat down on her sofa, resting her head against the back of it and closing her eyes, feeling miserable. So she didn’t want to be hurt? Too late. The wound was already there. All she could do now was try to stop the bleeding.
She felt sorry for herself for a while longer, floating in misery and teetering on despair. The she sat up slowly, telling herself she needed to cut it out. She’d had a life before Luke showed up—a good life with good friends in a place she loved. She could either wallow in depression for the next several weeks wishing for something she could never have, or she could get on with that life. As long as Luke was there, he was temptation. He always had been. But he clearly wasn’t a man she could have a future with, so it was time to get those thoughts out of her head and replace them with something that made sense.
Now—right now—was the time to do that.
She picked up her phone and called Russell. He sounded sleepy enough that she knew she’d probably woken him up, but she didn’t care. He didn’t appear to, either, because when she invited him to dinner at her house on Saturday night, he sounded thrilled to accept. She couldn’t cook worth a damn, but she figured that was a good test. If he ate whatever below-average thing she made for him and paid more attention to her than the food, she’d know they were on the right track.
She hung up her phone and congratulated herself. There. That felt good. She’d done something logical and reasonable to counter all the irrationality she displayed every time Luke was around. Even if she hadn’t sold herself completely on Russell yet, he was a decent guy. She hated to say her mother was right about anything, but eligible men her age showed up in Rainbow Valley about as often as…well, just