“Well…” I said. “Maybe I can pick up an extra hour or so at work?"
“How?” he asked. “You have so much to do around here.”
I knew better than to suggest that maybe he could start to help with the cooking and cleaning.
My parents would have been ashamed of me if they saw me then. My childhood had been middle class and they had taught me to respect myself and work hard. If I hadn't a massive blow-up with my parents, and then hadn’t stormed out and not spoken to them for years, I might be in a better position. Instead, I was deep in debt and getting screamed at over dish soap
“I don’t know,” I mumbled, and he looked down at me
“What did you say?” he asked.
“I said I don’t know,” I said. “But I’ll, uh...figure it out.”
“You better,” he said. “Now, get dressed.”
I looked down at my jeans and tee shirt.
“Why?” I asked. “I mean...what should I change into?”
“A dress,” he said. “We’re going out to dinner.”
I did not bother to point out the irony in the fact that he couldn’t afford five-dollar dish soap, but he wanted to go out to dinner. Somehow, he always found the money to do so. Or rather, he continued to rack up our debt.
“Do I have time to take a shower?" I asked, and he looked at me like I was stupid.
“Uh, yes,” he said and shooed me away.
I waited until I was in the bathroom to cry. I felt so unsafe and so unsettled, and I hated it. I used to be a happy person who never let anything get her down. Now, it seemed like I cried at the drop of a hat.
I did not want him to hear me, so I turned on the shower while I cried, and then took off my clothes and stepped in. I thought love was supposed to be like fairy tales and I was supposed to be happy for the rest of my life. My only hope was the fact that I hadn’t actually married him; if I found some way to escape him, then it wouldn’t be that messy. It wasn’t like we owned property or had any children.
I had wanted to have children when I first met him, and I thought it would be adorable to have little wolf shifter babies. I thought that maybe he would be a strong father who could provide for the household.
At least I wasn’t pregnant. However, if I broke up with him, I wasn’t sure if I would ever find a partner again. Who would want me when I was so broken and such a mess? I was just a human girl with half a college degree and a lot of emotional baggage.
It wasn’t like I was exactly a catch.
When I was done showering, I took my time drying my hair, and then changed into one of the dresses that I had got from the thrift store. I put on the only pair of heels that I owned and then went out into the living room.
“Is this...OK?” I asked Matthew. Instead of telling me I looked all right, or giving me some physical reaction, he sighed.
“I guess,” he said. “If that is the best you can do.”
“I, uh...I can change, if you want?” I asked, and he looked at the clock.
“No,” he said. “Forget it.”
“OK,” I said. “So...where are we going?”
“Jesus, Jenny, can you stop asking questions?” he said. “We’re just going to get some food to get away from your disgusting cooking.”
“Oh,” I said. “OK.”
“Get out the door before we are late,” he said, even though he hadn’t told me where we were going. For all I knew, we were going to the take-out place next door.
How was this my life? How had I gotten myself into this terrible mess?
“Smile,” he said as we got into the elevator. “Don't look like you hate your life. You’re so embarrassing.”
I nodded and forced a smile on my face. As the elevator moved, I looked at myself in the mirror. Even though I smiled as he asked, my eyes were dead. I wondered how long it would be before the rest of me was dead as well.
The elevator came to the bottom floor and we got out. He gave me a little shove, and I walked towards the front door with a sigh. I hoped that I could find a way to escape soon because I couldn’t do this