The Construction of Cheer - Liz Isaacson Page 0,65

can’t do it anymore. How do you let go of it all?” Tears streamed down her face, and Bishop smiled at her with pain in his eyes. He wiped her face with his tender yet tough hands and shook his head.

“I would take it for you if I could, sweetheart.” His smile wobbled on his face. “The only thing that’s worked for me is to give it to the Lord. He takes it, and He shoulders it somehow—at least for a little while.” He swallowed, his vulnerability matching hers in that moment.

Montana took a deep breath, trying to find her faith. She nodded and rubbed the tears from her eyes, making white sparks shoot through her vision she pressed so hard. “Yes, like Pastor Knowlton said on Sunday. We just have to come unto the Lord, and He will make our burdens light.”

Bishop nodded too, his jaw so, so tight.

“I’ve got to figure out how to do that,” Montana said. “I go to church. I read the Bible. I pray. I try to live a good, Christian life. Why don’t I know how to do this?”

Bishop drew her into his chest again, and Montana gripped him tightly. The storm inside her threatened to rip her apart, the winds so strong she felt sure she’d be swept out onto the prairie and never heard from again.

“I go somewhere quiet,” Bishop said, his voice low and husky. “Usually my dad’s grave. I talk to him for a while, and then I talk to the Lord. I beg Him—literally beg Him—to take the burden from me. He always does. Like the pastor said, it’s His nature to do so. He can’t not care for us. He can’t not take it.”

Montana needed to go right now. She stepped away from Bishop and looked around the barn, her anxiety and need to beg the Lord to take her burdens almost making her frantic.

“I’ll go with you,” he said. “If you want. The cemetery is a peaceful place. It could be your place too.”

Montana drew in a deep breath, her thoughts finally quieting. “Let’s finish here first. I know you wanted to rest this afternoon, but maybe you could at least walk me there?” Her insides shook again. “I’m not sure I’m brave enough to go by myself.”

“Baby,” Bishop said, his voice strong and with all the confidence he usually possessed. “You’re the strongest woman I know.”

She shook her head, those stupid tears gathering again. “I’m really not.”

“Physically, you are.” He ran his hands down her shoulders and arms to her hands, where he laced his fingers. “Have you seen your muscles?”

“Men don’t like my muscles,” she whispered.

“I love them,” Bishop said, smiling that flirty, coy smile at her. “I think they’re sexy and beautiful.”

“Stop it,” she said, her tears spilling over again. No one had ever told her all the muscles in her arms and back were sexy. They made her thick and manly and she knew it.

“I won’t,” he said, though his smile dropped. “You’ve been raising Aurora alone for a decade. That takes emotional and mental and spiritual strength I don’t understand. But I can feel it.”

Montana shook her head. “I don’t even have my own house.”

“So what?” he asked. “You have done exactly what you needed to do for her and for you. You shouldn’t be embarrassed of that.”

Montana wasn’t embarrassed of that, but she still wanted her own place. “I have so much I carry about my family,” she said. “I need to release all of that. I need to find a way to forgive them all.” She kept crying, but she didn’t care. There was so much to tell Bishop; so much he didn’t know about her.

“My mother took my ex-husband’s side in the divorce. I haven’t spoken to her in a while. She sided with Paris and Georgia when they started dating my ex-boyfriend. She’s told Jackie she shouldn’t support me so much.”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure what I did to make her dislike me so much, but I stopped caring a while ago. I just haven’t been able to forgive her.”

“You can,” Bishop said. “I know you can. The Lord can carry all of that for you.”

Montana nodded, the air conditioning in the barn suddenly too cold. She shivered, and Bishop gathered her back into his arms.

“My ex-husband started seeing other people when Aurora was only three years old,” she said. “And not just women. I finally got enough courage to leave and file for divorce