But as Thames stared at Penny’s little face next to him, concentrated and angelic as she spun her pieces around and tried fitting them in the puzzle, he sensed those days were behind him. The violent itch wasn’t there. Not when he had so much to lose. Not when he remembered the feeling of loss and anguish when she came into this world and he was desperate not to taint her with his touch.
Her life started the second another life ended.
He would not make the same mistake again, no matter the thrill that came from expelling all that energy zipping through his bloodstream.
It was hard, though. It really was. It was hard getting up every single morning and forgetting there wasn’t always a target on you. He’d lived with the stress for almost eight years. It had become an extension of him, and now he had to shake that feeling and he didn’t know how.
How do you learn to feel safe when you spend so many years trying to survive? He didn’t believe it. He kept thinking there was something ugly hidden around the corner. Any moment, all of this – everything he yearned to have – would be ripped from him again, and he wouldn’t survive that the second time around.
“Tell me a good memory,” he said to Penny right then, watching her intently, surprised by the desperation bleeding out of him.
Penny didn’t catch on to his fear. He brown eyes darted to him, and smiling, she tapped her chin in thought. “What kind of memory?”
“What did you do for your birthday?”
Her face lit up now. “Mom, Grandma and Uncle Jem took me to the zoo. Kane was there and we ate ice cream in front of the elephant exhibit. I had a birthday pin right here.” She pointed to her chest. “And in my pocket was a picture of you and mommy. She said every time I thought of you, I could just pull it out and you’d be there with me. I pulled it out a lot, Daddy.”
Okay, maybe that was the wrong thing to ask right now. Thames didn’t expect that emotion dump. He swallowed through the thickness in his throat. He had the sudden urge to find Charlotte, and to pin her down and kiss the fucking shit out of her. Instead, he brought his forehead to Penny’s and breathed her in.
“You have no idea how that makes me feel,” he told her solemnly. “I want to go there with you, Penny.”
She smiled brightly. “When?”
His smile was faint. “Soon.”
“Hey, Dad?” she murmured now, a curious look on her face.
“Hmm?”
“What was prison like?”
He spun a puzzle piece around, staring down at it thoughtfully. “See what I’m doing with this piece?”
“Yes.”
“Kind of like that.”
“Like spinning around in circles?”
He laughed lightly. “Yeah.”
Instead of questioning him some more, she replied next, “Can we do something else now?”
He smirked, tossing the puzzle piece into the box. “Let me guess. You want to show me your world on that pixel game you got?”
Looking sheepish, she shrugged. “Only if you want to.”
“I want to, beauty.”
Interrupting them, he heard the sound of the front door opening and a flood of familiar voices. His body went stiff and that same stressful feeling in him returned.
If they were here, it only meant one thing.
Trouble was on the other side of that door.
Charlotte
Megan entered the house, throwing her purse down on the staircase. Jem followed behind her, looking tired like he’d come straight from his bar; he smelled like it, too.
“There are cars all down the street!” Megan seethed. “Those assholes are just eyeing the house. This is not right. Conor does not need this!”
“Alright, alright,” Jem’s voice cut in as he shut the door behind him. “We’re here. We’ll take care of it.”
Megan looked at me. “Where is he?”
“In the living room,” I answered, trying to keep my voice calm. Noise travelled. I was sure Conor was hearing Megan’s commotion. “He’s with Penny. Please, be calm.”
Megan realized her mistake and took a moment to shut her eyes and breathe slowly through her nose. But when her eyes opened, I saw how misted they looked. She wasn’t just angry; she was sad, too.
“This isn’t right,” she whispered to me. “Your stepbrother was a cruel piece of work. It isn’t like Conor killed some choir boy from church.”
“This isn’t about Billy,” Jem cut in. “This is deeper than that, Megan. Everyone beckoned to Conor. He ran the roost, was impulsive, and