My vision blurred. I shook my head at him. “You weren’t always so cruel.”
He shook his head too, agreeing.
“Who made you come that day?”
No answer.
I felt like the answer was staring me in the face, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. This obsession had died around the time Jem had come around frequently to help me. He told me no one had sent Billy, and I had no choice but to let it go.
I blinked and Billy was gone again.
Locke had me in therapy when he found out I was seeing the ghost of my dead stepbrother. He didn’t even judge me when I’d broken it to him. He just looked at me and moved on to other things. I thought he didn’t give a shit, until he told me the following day he had scheduled a therapy appointment for me and to “get the fuck out of the office for the morning”.
It hadn’t taken me long to open up to Madison, my therapist. I didn’t tell her the details of the day Conor beat Billy to death because it wasn’t important.
I just wanted to stop seeing Billy.
First, she had to make sure I wasn’t crazy. When she was satisfied I was not, she gave me pills. Said that Billy’s appearance was brought on by intense emotion. Also said I had PTSD and needed to confront my feelings because I was hiding from them.
Confront my feelings? What the hell did that even mean?
I didn’t want to confront shit.
I just wanted the fucking guy to leave me alone.
“But he’s an extension of you,” she said. “Billy isn’t really there.”
No shit, Sherlock.
Did she really think I believed I was seeing the phantom of Billy? I couldn’t stop rolling my eyes in that session.
Besides being unhelpful about Billy, she taught me to cope through my anxiety. I learned the breathing exercises, wrote in my journal, occupied my head with positive thinking, blah blah blah. I did it all in a desperate attempt to be normal again.
I had learned to get used to seeing the asshole when I was depressed or angry. I even enjoyed some of the random banter he’d spew. He said some funny shit. But it’d been a while because I’d been at peace with my life lately. I’d felt stable and content.
Ugh. I ran a hand down my face, feeling exhausted to the bone.
I needed pills. Or Jem. Or maybe I could rouse Penny awake and hold her until she fell back asleep.
I left her instead and went to my room. I shut the door of the bathroom and stripped my clothes off. The red button up blouse I wore tore in my hurry, and I threw it aimlessly on the floor, uncaring that it was my favourite goddamn top. I turned the shower head on and stood under the hot spray, watching the lines of water cascade down my body; tiny rivers all the way to my toes and down the drain. I cupped my stomach the way he had as he stood facing me, smiling as he revered my changing body.
“You’re beautiful, Charlotte,” he said, tenderly. “You sacrificed your body for this, and I can’t thank you enough for the gift you’re about to give us.”
Red marks lined my belly. Marks he’d kissed as my belly grew, stretching me painfully. Now they were silvery white, almost impossible to see. I ran my fingers over them, trying to remember his touch.
Eight years was a long time to be gone.
I couldn’t feel him anymore.
THE HOLE
Conor found Jem hiding behind the decrepit looking slide. It was honestly the worst hiding place in the world. Conor found him in under a minute, and the idiot didn’t even try to hold still.
“You suck,” he said, shaking his head.
Jem glared at Conor. “I was in a hurry!”
“I counted to a hundred.”
“You counted fast.”
“You’re making excuses.”
Jem didn’t answer as he trailed behind Conor.
Conor found Dominic next, hidden under a pile of leaves. Instead of being annoyed like Jem was, Dominic shot a toothless grin his way. “Man, I worked so hard, Conor.”
“You guys didn’t even try,” Conor seethed.
“You think it’s so easy, you try burying your body in a pile of leaves!”
“I’d do it in twenty seconds.”
Dominic looked insulted. “Why are you hating on me? Jem took the stupid slide.”
“Yeah, and that was stupider.”
“Hey,” argued Jem, “I was under pressure.”
“You only ran under there in the last ten seconds,” Dominic accused. “He was zigzagging all over the place!