took it off him and raised the neck up. “I’m honoured,” he said. “Can’t think of a better place to be.”
Except he could.
Fuck, he could think of a place he would rather be very clearly.
Then he brought the tip to his mouth and took a swig and the room descended in cheers. Holden was bouncing off the walls with energy. The loudest of them all, he delivered more introductions before grabbing a random girl in passing.
“Look at these babes,” he told Thames, his eyes glassy and gleeful. “Can’t say you got this kind of beauty in Blackwater, hey? What’s it going to take to keep you here, Thames? Surely nothing is tying you down over there. Here, you’re welcomed. We are your family, if you’ll have us, and we got stunning babes like this here in limitless supply. What do you say, brother?”
Thames forced a laugh, attempting to look heatedly at the girl who looked too fucking young. “She’s a fuckin’ dream, man.”
In truth, the second he glanced away he couldn’t tell you a thing about her. She was a blur, like all the others. But Thames played the part, realizing very quickly he had never left prison.
Because he was still surviving.
Left to his devices, Thames made his rounds, making idle conversation. Reserved, he offered his thanks and half-listened to the drunken stories spouted to him. Thankfully, after a couple hours, the crowd formed into smaller groups, talking amongst themselves.
The beer in his hand was decoration. He slipped into the kitchen when it was hardly occupied and discreetly poured the drink into the sink.
“Can’t stand that shit, either,” Holden said suddenly, coming up from behind him.
There was no reprieve.
Holden just kept coming.
Thames forced a closed mouth smile. “I like the harder stuff.”
“We’ll have to go out properly for that. Hit up a strip club or something. There’s a good one downtown.”
Thames noticed the bottle shaking from his tremors and promptly stopped tipping it. He placed it on the counter, aware as ever Holden had noticed.
“Hey man,” the guy said seriously, nudging his shoulder against his. “You’re out now, bud. I know it’s hard to take in. I got the same shakes as you when I left that cunt of a place. It’ll go away, okay?”
He nodded in response. “Keep expecting a fight around the corner.”
“You don’t have to look over your shoulder here. You’re home now.”
Thames swallowed, knowing now was not the time to tell Holden he had no plans to stick around.
He wanted to run.
Run from everything.
Everyone.
Even his shadow wasn’t welcome.
“Why don’t you take a shower?” Holden said, smiling now. “I know how grimy you feel. You’ll feel better when you wash that prison smell off you. There are clothes in your room you can fit into. I got a nice surprise for you when you get out too.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
Holden pushed him in the direction of the stairs. Still hopping from energy, he practically followed Thames to it like a bad scent. The respect in Holden’s eyes – the awe in his gaze – was so drastically different to the man he was when Thames met him. The roles had reversed. Holden was doing everything in his power to please him, and fucking god, Thames should have delighted in it, but he felt nothing. Fucking dead on the inside, he disappeared up the stairs and escaped into the only bedroom that was shut.
Once inside, he didn’t have to hide his shakes. His entire body erupted like an earthquake, even his teeth chattered. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He was alone in the silence, two things he would have done anything for just yesterday.
The bedroom was clean and tidy. The detergent smell reminded Thames of the laundry room back in prison. The only good memories came from doing that job and being surrounded by prisoners outside the Raven crew. Like him, everyone in prison played their part. They were enemies outside that laundry room, and you wouldn’t dare fuck with them or anyone in their crew. But once inside those hot as fuck laundry quarters and away from that identity and their crew, their true nature crept out, and it was nothing like the persona they played.
Why did he feel like he missed that? That life was hours behind him, and it seemed suddenly so much simpler.
The hell you know is an easier place to be in.
Like Holden had mentioned, there were clothes with tags on them splayed over an armchair beside the queen