I ignored how rude he was being. “Jem came around a few days ago to take me to a doctor’s appointment.”
Locke stared blankly at me for several long seconds. “You can’t drive?”
My cheeks felt hot. Why did I feel like I was suddenly embarrassed by that?
“I’ve had a few lessons. I can drive, but…finding the time isn’t necessarily a breeze for me right now, Locke. But thanks for judging me.”
A ghost of a smile flickered on his lips. “I’m not judging you.”
“I can see it on your face. This is what you look like.” I mocked his look and then frowned at him. “That was the face of judgment.”
He fought a smile like he was suddenly enjoying our dysfunctional banter. “I just thought you had a network of people there to help you. What happened to Megan?”
“She’s busy with work and Ember lives there now with Lily after she lost her tenancy.”
“She lost another tenancy?”
“Yeah.”
“What is wrong with that woman?”
I shrugged, half-heartedly. “I’m in no place to judge her. I…I didn’t want to bother them after she moved in and add more stress.”
“You can’t do this shit alone.”
“I’ve got Jem.”
His eyes turned icy. “Jem isn’t enough.”
I went quiet, blinking back the sudden weight of emotion behind my eyes. I blinked a few times to clear it and looked down at the floor. “Reaching out isn’t easy.”
If I said anything with a bit of emotion in my voice, Megan or Laura would have crumbled with softness. Even Jem would have been less harsh with me. But Locke looked at me like he truly didn’t give a single fuck. He was so good at making me feel small and insignificant and…stupid for things like not having a driver’s licence. I kind of hated him for a fleeting moment, tempted to tell him to get lost, but at the same time I also felt like I needed to be reprimanded for not reaching out, for ignoring the letters, for having a baby and not even possessing a driver’s licence – which infuriated me because there really had been things that came up that made having a licence not so much a priority. In that moment, I looked back at times I could have obtained that licence, could have been more proactive about the letters, and could have discovered that Dave was blowing smoke up my ass in order to get the house.
A single look from Locke and this was the kind of shit I was thinking about.
I was a young, dumb mother.
Maybe Locke was the perfect candidate to give me the harsh truth. Jem had gone soft, and he wasn’t punishing enough. It occurred to me how important it was for me to be held responsible for what I could not confront.
“Maybe I have put my head in the sand,” I whispered, acknowledging it out loud and cringing for it. Nothing tasted more bitter than facing what I knowingly had turned away from. “I guess I really suck at this independency shit, huh?”
Locke scratched his perfect jaw while moving to the stack of letters he’d torn open. He grabbed a random letter and looked it over before throwing it back down on the pile. Buried in thought, he began to loosen his tie even more, glancing at me a couple times in the process. His face was vacant of emotion. I didn’t know what he was thinking about, didn’t understand why his face lingered on mine for longer than necessary.
I felt so puny and awkward.
Finally, he said, “You spent almost a year pregnant while Thames took care of you and you didn’t maximize that time to your benefit. You had an opportunity to do something, but you ended up working for Jem at his dirty bar instead. Do you have any motivation to get yourself out of shit without expecting someone to come to your rescue?”
I crossed my arms, feeling defensive. “I could scream at you right now, Locke.”
“Why?”
“You’re making it really black and white.”
He seemed confused. “I’m stating facts.”
“I’m not expecting anyone to come to the rescue, you asshole.”
“So, what were you going to do then?”
“I just agreed I was being a little ignorant, and now you’re using it like a weapon. Thanks.”
“Don’t be childish. I’m not using anything as a weapon, and you haven’t answered my question.”
I scowled at his calmness, at how…right he was. My throat felt tight as I was forced to admit, “I wasted the opportunity, but it didn’t feel like it at the time. I guess