Confessions of a Call Center Gal - By Lisa Lim Page 0,28

concern, unsure of what to say.

So I say nothing.

But Kars, as usual, can’t keep her trap shut. “So, I guess Ingeborg’s robbing the grave,” she says in a cavalier fashion.

I stare at Kars mutinously. If looks could kill, she’d be dead as a dodo. Releasing a nervous laugh, I turn to Mika. “Pay no attention to her, Mika.”

His lips fall into a sharp line and he seems preoccupied with his thoughts. The atmosphere is tense to say the least.

“Maddy, table for three,” announces the chirpy hostess.

I drag my heels across the floor and poise myself for a painful and uncomfortable evening.

Ah, it sure feels good to be home in our new crib. I’m so stuffed I can hardly walk.

I ordered the Ultimate Feast and I annihilated my entrée.

Oh, and I polished everything off Mika’s plate as well since, barely a minute into our meal, Mika lost his appetite.

But I don’t blame him and I’m sure no one of good conscience could. Heck, if I saw some cougar rubbing up all over my man, I’d lose my appetite too.

Swollen and engorged, I waddle to the sofa and sink into the cushions with a sated sigh. Stifling a yawn, I rest one hand over my belly.

Gosh. I look like I’m in my third trimester. I think I may be having twin food babies.

Kars flops onto the sofa. “I’ve never seen Mika so pissed. Did you see him stabbing that lobster with his fork? He looked like he was trying to kill that poor thing and it was already dead.”

“I know.” I pat my protruding belly. “Good thing I rescued it.”

We sit there for a while in silence, letting our food digest.

Kars looks pensive, and I can tell by the look on her face that she’s about to go off on one of her psych spiels.

And I’m right.

“I have a theory,” begins Kars, “about Ingeborg. You know what her problem is?”

I smile indulgently. “No, pray tell, Dr. Higginbotham.”

“She suffers from the Electra complex. Yep! Siggy Freud came up with that one. It’s the female version of the Oedipus complex. Although I don’t think she has ‘penis envy’ like Freud proposes; I think her dad was probably absent for most of her life, and now she’s looking for some old geezer to replace him. You know, to fill this fatherless vacuum in her life.”

I laugh out loud. “Kars, both you and I lost our fathers pretty early on in our lives (while I lost my dad to cancer, Kars had lost hers to the State Penitentiary). So how come we’re not hooking up with older men?”

She wrinkles her brows. “How do you know we’re not?”

Her words seem loaded with potential meaning. “What are you talking about?”

“Nothing,” she says with a mysterious smile.

Languorously, I stretch my legs. “I’m just going to vegetate here all night.”

Kars hops off the sofa. “Okay, I’m heading out.”

I jerk my head up. “Huh? Where?”

“Somewhere,” she says vaguely.

I eye her with considerable suspicion.

“Speaking of which, I must get ready now.” She skips to her room and slams the door.

“You’re going out? At this hour?” I holler. “With whom???”

No response.

I plump up the cushions and wait for Kars to emerge from her room. I need to grill her for more details.

But my eyelids feel so heavy…

They flitter and flutter like butterflies, and soon drift close.

I’d had an inkling Kars was seeing someone. Unbeknownst to me, that someone works right under the call center roof. Tongues are wagging and rumor is swirling around the center that Kars has hooked up with Bob Seely.

What can I say about Bob? Well, he’s a slimy supervisor. Not to mention, he’s barrel-chested with Buddha tits, his hairline is rapidly receding, his teeth yellowing, his wardrobe screams for a makeover, and he walks around with permanent sweat stains under his pits. And worst of all, he’s married! MARRIED!

My new cubicle neighbor, Truong Nguyen, broke this shocking news to me today. Apparently, Truong heard it through the grapevine that is creeping out of control.

And by the way, the girl who used to sit by me is gone. WOOT! WOOT!

I think her name was Nina, or was it Mina? Anyway, she was appallingly arrogant, with an ego the size of two continents.

Seriously, that girl lacked a modesty chip in her brain. All day long she bragged about how wonderful she was, how wonderful the callers thought she was. Incidentally, she’d been voted employee of the month, for twelve consecutive months in a row, and her plaques were displayed on every