Confessions of a Call Center Gal - By Lisa Lim Page 0,110

on earth! In Dante’s Inferno, the innermost circle of Hell is portrayed as a frozen lake of blood and guilt.

And Dante Alighieri is right! I truly believe that Heaven is a warm place and Hell is butt ass cold.

Despite living in Illinois for most of my life, I still cannot take the cold here. All winter long, I fuss and complain about how cold and miserable it is. And today is one of those days.

Today is my Dante’s Inferno.

“This is bone chilling furr-reeze.” My teeth chatter incessantly as we plow through the tundra.

My scarf is dancing hysterically in the wind. Leaves, litter and debris are twisting and turning violently. In the near distance, I can hear the incessant snapping of flags, thrashing wildly in the storm.

I want to be home right now. This was rather unexpected; the weatherman’s forecast was for a calm, twenty-degree winter day, just proving that the weathermen are as useless to me as a freezer in Antarctica. Their accuracy is almost 90% wrong.

We were hit by a freakish snowstorm as soon as we’d arrived at the Navy Pier. Seriously, we could not have picked a worse day to venture out on our first official date as a couple.

Yes, we are a couple! The cat and mouse game is over.

Since we’re on my home turf, I wanted to show Mika some of Chi-town’s popular attractions. The Navy Pier turns itself into a Winter Wonder Fest during the holiday season, and I thought it would be fun. It’s Chicago’s playground on Lake Michigan and boasts of good entertainment, an array of restaurants, and a fifteen story Ferris wheel that’s open year round.

I had it all planned out in my head. First, we were going to grab a bite to eat at the famous Billy Goat Tavern, immortalized in the SNL skit where a short order cook, played by John Belushi, yelled out, “Cheezborger! Cheezborger! Cheezborger! No fries—cheeps! No Pepsi—Coke!” That skit is classic. And even if you didn’t care for the whole Cheezborger shtick, it’s still something to be experienced. Nothing like a divey vintage diner that’s full of history and lore.

So much for that. The Billy Goat Tavern’s parking lot was full, forcing us to park miles away. Big, BIG mistake. In this hellish snowstorm, neither man nor goat could ever make it there alive.

Secondly, I envisioned the two of us strolling idyllically hand in hand, ice skating on the rink, going for romantic rides, kissing on the Ferris wheel.

So much for that. The Ferris wheel is closed.

Apparently, they’re open year round, weather permitting.

“It’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey,” Mika yells over the howling wind.

I nod, as I can no longer speak. My purple lips are frozen shut. Brrrrr. I don’t know about brass monkeys, but it sure feels like we’re in that documentary film The March of the Penguins.

Mika and I huddle close together like Emperor penguins, marching against the brutal wind.

We are one against the force of nature.

This feels like the harshest place on earth and I am seriously questioning my ability to survive in this inhospitable terrain.

Out of nowhere, a hurricane-like wind swooshes in and pummels me into a tree. I anchor myself to it for dear life and shoot Mika a tortured look.

I can tell by the look on his face that he’s suppressing an urge to laugh. Reaching for my hand, he firmly secures it and we break into a run, darting to the nearest safe haven, a place of impregnable safety—Starbucks.

At the register, I order a pumpkin spice latte and blueberry scone; Mika opts for a Christmas blend latte and chocolate cream cheese muffin.

We carry our treats to a dimly lit nook and begin defrosting.

I sip my latte, enjoying the feel of the creamy liquid trickling down my throat. Ahhh, it’s like fuel for my body.

Mika pinches part of my scone, and I steal little chunks of his chocolate muffin. I love the intimacy of sharing food.

I lean my elbows forward. “How’s my scone?”

“Very buttery, but I like it. And how’s my muffin?”

I pinch another bite. “Very chocolaty, but I love it.”

We share an easygoing banter, and I finally find the guts to broach the topic that’s been at the forefront of mind. There’s no easy way to say it, so I just blurt it out, “Mika, how come it took you so long to make your move on me?”

After a pensive pause, he says, “Two reasons. I’ve always felt that the best relationships always start