Concealed Hearts (Hometown Jasper #4) - Nicky James Page 0,85
helps to have a friend who understands. Someone who is going through the exact same thing as you.”
“But you don’t understand. I—”
“Wait. I’m not finished.” I glanced below, directly into Tomi’s eyes. He knew what I was about to do, and when he gave me a nearly imperceptible nod, something loosened in my chest. I nodded back. It was time.
“I want to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before. And if I’m being perfectly honest, this scares the shit out of me. You didn’t want to be outed, did you? You weren’t ready.”
“No.”
“It’s not the end of the world, buddy, and I’m gonna prove it to you, but you need to work with me. Can you do that?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Felix, I’m forty-five years old. An old man in your eyes, I’m sure. You probably think a big grown-ass man like myself has nothing in common with you and that I could never understand, but I do. I know what it’s like to hide part of yourself because you’re afraid of what others might think. I’m gay, Felix. I’m gay, and for the first time in my life, I’m gonna step out of that closet with you. We’re gonna navigate this road together, okay? You and me. You are not alone. You have me, and you have Grant. We’ll figure this out.”
Felix studied my face. “You’re gay?”
“I am. Are you surprised? I’m pretty sure those guys down there are too, but I’m not hiding anymore. I know coming out is hard. I’m doing it on a rooftop in front of an audience, but I’m doing it.”
I glanced down. Tomi stepped free from the crowd. Again, he nodded, one hand over his heart.
“See that man right there.” I pointed at Tomi. Felix looked down and nodded. “I’m kinda head over heels in love with him. If we can do this at our age, you can do it too.”
I stepped off the ledge onto the rooftop and gave his hand a small tug, encouraging him to join me. “Are you with me?”
Felix seemed to consider. When he stepped down from the ledge, he landed hard against my chest. His tears came in streams, his sobs racking his whole body. He clung, and I clung back, both of us trembling, both of us crying.
It was surreal, and I was sure when I absorbed the whole moment later on, it would all hit me like a truck, but the only thing that mattered was keeping Felix safe. Standing on the ledge of a three-story building, looking down at the concrete below was going to haunt my nights for a long time.
I don’t know how long we stood like that, hugging and crying, but Felix couldn’t seem to calm. His body was plagued with constant tremors, and his knees kept trying to give out. Shock had settled in, and he was coming apart at the seams.
“Hey. Breathe, kiddo. Breathe. It’s gonna be okay. Like I said, we’re gonna do this together.” I peeled him from my arms. His eyes were swollen and red, his face wet. He was pale, and his lower lip quivered as his teeth chattered.
“We should go find your parents.”
Felix’s eyes widened, and he slipped right back into that panic from before. “Oh, god. No. No, no, no. My dad will kill me. I can’t. Please.”
“He won’t.”
“He hates Grant. You don’t understand. He calls him names worse than what Ben and his gang do.”
I frowned, flashes of my dad’s reaction to Alan coming back at me like it had happened yesterday. The scars my old man’s words had left behind were still raw. I’d met Felix’s dad, and somehow, I knew he wouldn’t be any better.
Felix’s knees buckled, and I grabbed him, yanking him back into my arms. “What will your dad do?”
“He’ll kick me out at best. Maybe he’ll … I don’t know. I can see it in his eyes. He’s feared I was gay for a long time. He just never said it. Without words, he’s basically warned me I can’t be gay.”
This was no good. I couldn’t send this kid anywhere that may not be safe. “Okay, listen. Not tonight. You come to my place tonight. I have a spare room. We’re going to talk. Me and you. You’re safe with me, Felix. Do you understand? Tomorrow, we’ll go see your dad together. Maybe you can stay with family somewhere.”
“There’s no one.”
“Then you’ll stay with me. End of story. I won’t give up on you.”