Compounding Traumas (Artemis University #6) - Erin R Flynn Page 0,36
cutting myself off from them, had killed part of my soul. All I had wanted was for things to work out with two of them, things maybe progressing with one, and… I honestly didn’t know what I had wanted with Lucca, but he had mattered to me more than I’d wanted to admit.
I sniffled, wiping away errant tears as I realized maybe that was a subconscious slip, as I had been so desperate for Craftsman to not let me go, and maybe I still was. Maybe I wanted him to fight for me even after he had abandoned me.
Oh fuck it, I didn’t know what I wanted. Especially when I caved and clicked on what came in next.
Bryan Adams’s “Please Forgive Me.” The tears came freely as I picked up the pace, as the ballad talked about the intensity of their love and how the physical was so much more than physical. We had had that. I had felt that with Craftsman. He was the man who showed me that making love wasn’t simply words, but something that changed a person.
“I hate him,” I rasped as I ran faster.
After I finished the obstacle courses and was heading back, he sent me a message with a link to Adele’s “Hello.” It was another apology song, and I was seconds from demanding if he’d looked up a list or something.
Zack snagged my phone after I’d listened to the song and pulled something up, handing it back.
I gave him a quick glance and saw he was smirking. Oh good.
And it was. He gave me great ammo. There were many reasons I liked him and his cousin after all.
Craftsman came into view, and I restarted the song Zack had opened, singing One Republic’s “Apologize.” I smirked as I did because the whole song was about it being too late to apologize. Too much had happened, too much time had passed—it was simply not an option.
Fitting.
Craftsman grabbed my arm as I went past him, yanking out my earbud as well. “No, it’s not too late. It’s never too late. I love you.”
I snorted as I yanked my arm away. “Yeah, sure you did. What’s this really about, Julian? You done with your latest project and want to get laid?” I stood my ground when his eyes went wide that I would say that in front of Zack, glancing at the wolf as if saying he didn’t want the man to hear this. He was the one who had pushed this. I turned to leave, but he blocked me again.
“I never—”
“Do you need crystals?” I asked, studying him closely. “Is that what this is? You ran out of the crystals I gave you and found more interesting than the woman you bullshitted that you loved?”
He flinched at what he saw in my aura. “You—how can you really think that?”
“That’s what you showed me,” I sneered, hating when people turned things around as if I was the problem. “Whatever. We’re over. I don’t love you anymore. I’m over you.”
Relief filled his eyes at what he saw in my aura, but was kind enough not to bust me.
I ground my jaw and pulled back my shoulders, squaring off with him. “I don’t want to want you or trust you enough to give you another chance. I will get over you.”
That made him flinch, as it was the absolute truth. “Don’t say that, my sweet—” He reached for me, but I dodged him.
“You don’t deserve me or another chance,” I rasped. “I was abducted, branded, and someone planned to use me as a blood cow—and my children—forever, and you were working. You were busy. What kind of idiot forgives that?” I let out a bitter chuckle when tears filled his eyes. “And yet I was going to. I was going to see if you came home after finals and figured your shit out so maybe we could be okay.”
“I was going to and—”
“Except you didn’t do a damn thing after my final and seeing how much pain I was in,” I cut in, my voice cracking. “Except I realized we were over and things had gone too far. Everything happened with the party, I was in deep shit, and it never crossed my mind to call you. That’s over. That’s—it wasn’t what you promised it was. I wasn’t what you thought I was, and you just bailed.”
“No, no, I didn’t,” he argued, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me closer.