The Complete Quake Series Boxset - Jacob Chance Page 0,6

to end.

“I’m sure it was my fault, not yours. Don’t even worry about it.” I smile at her and let my fingers skim down her arms as they fall away. It’s incredible to be genuinely happy in this moment, I didn’t force myself to smile. I can’t remember the last time I felt this sense of exaltation.

“Well, I better get back to my friend. Thanks for being so understanding.” She smiles one final time before she turns and walks away.

NO.

I want to shout at her to come back. To ask her not to leave me. I’m not ready to lose the euphoric feeling being in her presence gave me. In that moment, I forgot all the things that weigh so heavily on me each and every day. They ceased to exist and for those sixty seconds of perfection, I was the Kyle I used to be and not this fucked up version of myself, I’ve been forced to accept for the past three years.

When she disappears from my sight, the elation I felt in her presence quickly turns to despair. It’s sudden like the flip of a switch, but mood swings are part of my daily reality.

I don’t want to be here anymore.

I can’t walk back to our table and see her sitting with another guy. Once my mind’s made up, I send Kenna a text telling her I got called away for work. I leave out the door I was heading for when I bumped into Janny.

I don’t go straight home. I stop at the pub I frequent more than any other. It’s within walking distance of my house in case I get too fucked up to drive and this might be one of those times. My eyes quickly scan the room. I need a drink and I need it now. My emotions are hanging by a thread and I want something to dull all this rage I’m experiencing. The bartender comes over to take my order as soon as my ass meets the stool.

“Three shots of Jameson,” I say, before clenching my teeth, trying to rein in the urge to fuck someone up. Mainly the nameless, faceless guy who was at the bar with Janny. I don’t even know for certain she was there with someone, but why wouldn’t she be? She’s perfection, I can’t be the only guy who recognizes this.

The bartender places all three shot glasses down on the bar and pours them quickly and efficiently, without spilling a single drop. I nod my thanks when he walks away. Holding up the first one, I stare at the golden-brown color and wonder what I should drink to. What is there in my life worth dedicating a toast to? Kenny. Kenny’s worth it. I drink the shot in her honor. The liquor works in the best way possible, erasing any hope I have of being with Janny and numbing my painful headache when it travels down my throat. I tip the glass over and slam it down on the bar. One down. Picking up the next glass in line, I dedicate this toast to my business partner and friend, Derek. I knock it back without hesitation. Hesitating is for pussies and I’m not one. Flipping it over, I keep a tally in my head - two down.

I pull the third shot in my direction. Staring at it sitting in front of me on the rough, scarred wood of the bar. There’s no one left for me to drink this shot to. There are only two people in this world I care about and I’ve already toasted both. Staring down into my glass, I notice the lights around the bar and how they reflect brightly in the liquor. This shot is for Janny Moore. She’s better off not knowing me. I’m not the kind of guy who’s good for her. What kind of future can I offer her when I’m a ticking time bomb waiting to explode at any second? I tip my head back as I swallow. This one burns less than the other two did. I need to stay away from her and let her be with the kind of guy she deserves. Some fraternity brother with all the right connections and endless possibilities for the future. Not someone damaged like me. She should be with someone her own age, someone who’s healthy and not bitter from the shitty hand life has dealt him. Flagging down the bartender, I thump my empty shot glass down. I