This physically fucking hurts. I feel it in my chest, I swear. It burns and aches all at once. “You shouldn’t have to do that.”
She crosses over to me, but I watch the glimmer of sunlight that’s shining through the window and lighting up the tile on the floor. Granddaddy used to say, look for the bright spots. I know he didn’t mean literally, but that’s all I’ve got.
“Hey, look at me,” Jay says. She takes my chin to make sure that I do. “I’m fine. This is temporary, okay?”
“But becoming a social worker is your dream. You need a degree for that.”
“You and your brother are my first dream. That other one can wait to make sure you two are okay. That’s what parents do sometimes.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” I say.
“But I want to.”
That makes this harder. Having to is a responsibility. Wanting to is love.
She holds my cheek. “I listened to your song.”
“You did?”
“Mm-hmm. I’ve gotta admit it’s catchy. It’s pretty damn brilliant, too, Ms. Brilliant Bri.” She smiles and runs her thumb along my cheek. “I get it.”
Three words, yet they somehow feel as good as a hug. “Really?”
“I do. But you get where I was coming from, don’t you?”
“Yeah. You don’t want people to make assumptions about me.”
“Exactly. We have to prepare ourselves, baby. That local news story may only be the start. I need you to stay low during all of this.”
“What? I can’t go outside? Or go to school?” I’m totally fine with that.
“Girl!” She lightly smacks my arm. I laugh. “I don’t mean that low. Your butt is still going to school, so don’t even try. I mean . . .” She pauses, searching for the words. “I mean don’t provoke them. Don’t respond to anything, don’t do anything. Just . . . act like they’re talking about somebody else. Don’t be getting all on Tweeter or whatever, making comments.”
She’s gotta step up her social media game. “I can’t even troll people who come at me?”
I’m a pro at trolling gamer boys online. In fact, I may put it on my future résumé as a skill, alongside rapping and laying edges. Honestly, trolling is easy. All you gotta do is find multiple ways to call a gamer boy’s penis little and he’ll rage.
“You better not say anything, period,” Jay says. “Matter of fact, hand me your phone.”
She holds her palm out.
My eyes widen. “You’re kidding.”
“I’m not. Give me your phone.”
“I promise I won’t—”
“Phone, Bri.”
Craaap. I take it out of my pocket and set it in her hand.
“Thank you,” she says, and slips it into her own pocket. “Go study for that ACT.”
I groan. “Really?”
“Really. The test will be here before you know it. That needs to be your priority. Gina says that Sonny’s been studying for two hours a day. You could learn something from him.”
Dammit, Sonny. His overachieving ass. Got me looking like I’m slacking. Okay, I am, but that’s not the point.
Jay turns me toward the hallway. “Go. Only thing I better hear is you studying.”
“Um, how do you hear somebody—”
“Just go study, girl!”
She doesn’t make me study for two hours. No, that’s too short for my mom apparently. It’s four hours before she brings me my phone. Four. I don’t know what words are anymore.
Jay steps over my dirty clothes and junk on my bedroom floor.
“I oughta make you clean this nasty-ass room before I give you this phone,” she says. “Bet’ not be bringing roaches up in my house.”
Grandma used to say the same thing. They make it sound like people smuggle them into houses. Do I look like I wanna be anywhere near a roach? They’re right below Big Bird on my “Things I Don’t Mess With” list.
Jay sets my phone on my desk and maneuvers around clothes and junk again. “Just trifling!” she says.
“I love you, too,” I call after her. I’ve got texts from Sonny and Malik that I delete. Yes, I’m still in my feelings about how things went down at Malik’s house.
I’ve got tons of notifications from Dat Cloud, too. It’s been like that for a minute now though. I usually open the app to make that annoying red-circled number go away and close it. But when I open it today, there are a lot of unread messages waiting for me.
Probably trolls. I mean, I dish it, so I should be able to take it, right? Trust, as many times as I’ve been called “nigger” and “bitch” by gamer boys, I can take