came home on Christmas day, having chosen to sleep at my parents’ house on Christmas Eve after Mass.
I didn’t put it under my small Christmas tree I set up on the sideboard that takes up one wall of my tiny apartment. One day, I’d love to have a place big enough for a full-sized tree, but, for now, my little two-foot one brings me just as much Christmas cheer.
And yet, I didn’t put Cage’s gift there. I mean, there’s plenty of room as all the other presents I had stacked there were for my family, and we opened those Christmas day.
Maybe it’s because I feel slightly guilty I didn’t get him anything. It never crossed my mind.
Most likely, I didn’t put it under the tree because the shape and size of that box—regardless of the red foil—say it isn’t exactly a Christmas present.
It’s a ring, right?
A real wedding band, not like the cheap silver ones we bought in the twenty-four-hour wedding chapel where we got married.
A twinge of pain hits me dead center, something that happens every time I remember I’m married to a man I’m not sure I can stay married to. I’m smart enough to realize that twinge is the potential pain of loss, meaning if I ultimately decide I just can’t move forward with him, I’m going to suffer. Because even though I’m angry, hurt, disappointed, and mistrustful of him now, I also still very much love him.
It’s an awful situation to be in.
Bypassing the sideboard and ignoring the gift, I move into the kitchen, putting my small feather duster in the tiny supply closet/pantry. Eyeballing the kitchen, I look for something else to do to keep busy. I have the rest of this week off for Christmas break, and I’m in strict avoidance mode. I’ve cleaned the apartment top to bottom—twice now in the last two days—and I’ve been putting Cage off again.
Since our conversation on Christmas Eve two nights ago, he’s respectfully texted each morning, asking if we can set up another time to talk. Each time, I’ve put him off, telling him that I was not in the right frame of mind just yet.
That was vague enough to hold him off. Truth be told, though, I know exactly why I’m putting him off. It’s because I think, deep in my heart, I understand and accept he’s never had any ill intent toward me, that he got caught up in something stupid that snowballed, then that whole kidnapping thing sort of got my emotions out of whack. What still causes me some trepidation about this, though, is that if I genuinely accept that, then I should give him another shot.
I should give this marriage a shot.
But there’s that small chance I’m wrong. There’s a risk that maybe Cage can’t be trusted, and if that turns out to be true, I’ll end up being in a marriage that’s unworkable. I’ll end up getting way more hurt down the road if he does something else to betray my trust.
“Shit,” I mutter, frustrated I can’t seem to reason my way out of this untenable position. And I’m honest enough to admit I keep putting Cage off because I know damn well he’ll talk me into giving us a shot.
There’s a knock on my door, and it startles me enough to make me jump. I move that way, assuming it’s Brian or Laney. I know it can’t be Cage because he’s given me space, and I’ve denied him so far for another time to sit down to talk.
To be sure, though, I look through the peephole. I’m shocked to see it’s a blonde woman. At first, I have no clue who she is, then vague recognition settles.
Then it clicks.
It’s Cage’s friend Anna, who I met about a month ago for drinks. Funny, he hasn’t really mentioned her or his other friend, Malik, since then, so I’m a bit confused as to why she’s outside my apartment door.
Did Cage send her here?
But that doesn’t make sense. He never talked about her after that meeting, so I didn’t think they were all that close.
Hesitantly, I undo the locks and swing the door open.
Anna holds a hand up with a smile. “Hi, Jaime.”
“Anna, right?” I ask, just to make sure I remembered correctly.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d remember me,” she says with a duck of her head. “Can I come in?”
Manners have me automatically moving back and ushering her in. I don’t know her well, but she’s a friend of Cage’s, so