Code Name: Ghost - Sawyer Bennett Page 0,72

any certainty is, “I’m not sure I’ll ever be one-hundred percent convinced there wasn’t something more I could have done to save Jimmy and Sal.”

While it feels like an admission of defeat to say that, something about my statement causes Corinne to straighten in her chair before leaning forward slightly, as if eager to hear more. “Go on,” she encourages.

“Guilt is something I have to battle on my own,” I say, the words coming out methodically as my gut sort of takes over. “And no matter how many people tell me that my perception of things is skewed, it’s something I have to continue to ponder and figure out on my own. I think what I have accepted is it might never go away.”

“And you want to be released?” she queries with a raised eyebrow, but I can tell she thinks I have more to offer in the way of explanation.

“What I think,” I continue, feeling more confident in my analysis, “is I’ve moved on. I have accepted that bad things happen to good people, and, in this situation, my training took over and my actions were appropriate for the scenario. More importantly, I’m moving on with a woman who has accepted me—warts and all—and she’s the one who has more to lose than anyone involved. I think the mere fact I was drawn to Anna, and she to me, and we are making a go of it, is all the proof you need I have truly let go of my demons and I’m ready for whatever life throws at me next.”

Corinne settles back into her chair, watching me with a shrewd expression. Then her eyes fall to her notepad, where she jots a few things down.

When her attention comes to me, she says, “I’m going to recommend to Kynan you immediately be returned to full-duty status. I still want to see you, though. Once a month for a check-in to see how you’re doing.”

Her eyes come to me, steely and filled with challenge. She expects me to fight her, but I won’t. I’ve come to enjoy talking to Corinne. She’s given me some good advice, especially where Anna’s concerned.

I merely incline my head. “Thank you.”

My hands go to the armrests of my chair to push out of it, but Corinne’s voice stops me. “One more thing, Malik.”

I freeze, raising an eyebrow curiously.

“The bro code is stupid. It doesn’t exist. It’s not fair or nice to keep Anna hidden away like a dirty secret because you’re afraid some of the guys might not like it. Out yourself as a couple.”

“Is that a direct order that will affect my duty status?” I ask hesitantly. Not that I’m opposed to it, but frankly, I haven’t given it a lot of thought lately. Had a lot of other things to work through.

“Not at all,” she replies with a thin smile. “I’m telling you as a woman that Anna won’t put up with it for long. You want to do something nice for your girl, then you have her on your arm proudly. Let Anna have the full experience of falling in love again.”

That hits me deep.

Is Anna falling in love with me?

Pretty sure I’m falling hard for her, and I don’t want her to ever doubt me. We’re both good communicators. We’ve talked through some majorly heavy shit. But despite it all, she’s going to judge me by my actions as well. Does the fact I’ve been shy about letting people know about us somehow convey a message that she’s not good enough? Not important enough?

Something to be ashamed of?

The thought horrifies me.

“Fuck the bro code,” I announce as I pop up out of the chair and head for the door. “I’ll hire the goddamn Goodyear blimp to blast a message.”

“That’s sweet,” Corinne says with a laugh. “But I’m pretty sure Anna’s not that high maintenance.”

I stop, turning slowly to face Corinne. “She’s not. Anna is far more appreciative of the subtle overtures.”

“You’ve really come to know her well,” Corinne murmurs with a slow blink of her eyes.

A satisfied smile plays at my lips. “I recognize so much of myself in her, how could I not?”

Inclining her head, Corinne merely says, “I’ll send you an email with a date for us to meet next month. I can’t wait to see how well you and Anna are doing at that time.”

My responding grin is all she needs to know about how I feel right now, but I still say, “Looking forward to it.”

♦

I briefly