Code Name: Ghost - Sawyer Bennett Page 0,60
had sex earlier, then cuddled and talked, she’d slid out of bed to use the restroom. When she’d returned, she’d put on a t-shirt and panties, as well as a bra. She’d explained it was just easier to sleep with the bra especially, given her need for pads to combat the leaking.
I know I should be freaked out by that stuff, but I’m not. I have to admire the no-nonsense way in which Anna handles it. Frankly, it’s damn sexy to me that she’s venturing into a sexual relationship with me while dealing with these issues that aren’t typical when two people start to get intimate with each other.
Maybe I’m just weird.
Padding toward the nursery, I manage to catch my toe on the metal leg of the pull-out. I stifle a curse and hobble toward the nursery, guided by the warm light of the lamp Anna had turned on.
I find Anna sitting in her rocker with Avery suckling at her breast. As I’d done once before, I sit on the floor and lean against the dresser. I’m content to sit quietly as she rocks, noting she hums a song to Avery while she feeds her.
It’s odd to me how beautiful I find this moment to be. Watching Anna feed her daughter—Jimmy’s daughter. I’ve not given kids much thought in regard to my future. I know I’ll have them one day, but it’s been neither a burning desire nor an abhorrence. I just figured it will either happen or it won’t.
It doesn’t seem to matter to me that Anna has a child by another man, though. There’s no jealousy or desire to have her all to myself. I knew coming over tonight would partly be about Anna and me spending time together, developing this new path to our relationship and cementing our bonds—particularly sexually.
But I also know Avery is a part of Anna’s everyday life. As in, there won’t ever be a day I’m with her that I won’t take a backseat to Avery’s needs, and I’m okay with that.
Furthermore, there’s something about Anna being fully in her element of motherhood that is not only beautiful, but also comforting as well. I know she can handle anything, and her stability helps to anchor me, too.
Anna shifts Avery to her other breast. I’m fascinated as she helps position her, and at how easily the tiny human finds the nipple and instinctively knows what to do. I imagine it wasn’t easy at first, but Anna and Avery both seem to be professionals now.
“Will that hold her through the rest of the night?” I ask in a low voice.
“Until the early morning hours,” she replies softly, her smile gentle as she gazes at her little girl. “She usually gets up sometime between five and six. Which is perfect as that gives me plenty of time to get ready for work, then get her over to my mom’s house.”
I shake my head, a little awestruck. “It’s amazing how well you juggle it all.”
She waves me off. “Nah.”
“Yeah,” I say pointedly. “You’re amazing.”
Anna’s gaze moves from Avery to me, her eyes sober. “You’re amazing. I’m glad we’re giving this a go.”
“Me too,” I assure her softly. Despite my fears, some lingering doubts, and, of course, waxing and waning guilt, I’m glad, too.
“Well,” Anna drawls, smiling down at Avery as she pulls her away from her breast. Anna deftly pulls her bra back into place. “I think this little monkey is all done.”
In the lamplight, I can see the baby yawn mightily. Anna pushes up from the rocker, so I do the same from my position on the floor. There’s a part of me that feels like an outsider, yet another that wants to insinuate myself deeper into this family dynamic. I’m fascinated by Anna and Avery’s bond. The way Anna nurtures her daughter and the way Avery depends upon her mother for everything.
Anna moves to the dresser, which has a thickly cushioned pad covered in a soft, pink material on top. “I’ll just give her a quick diaper change, then she should fall right back asleep.”
I’ve seen babies have their diapers changed before. In the Marine Corps, I had buds who were married with kids. Growing up, my sister was a babysitter, so we sometimes had little humans running around our house. My older cousin, Kathy, started having kids as soon as she reached adulthood, and they were always around.
And yet, I’ve never done the task myself.
As Anna lays Avery on the thick padding and starts