Code Name: Ghost - Sawyer Bennett Page 0,47

wanting anyone else.

In order to even consider it as a possibility, I’ll have to do the one thing I’m not sure I have the guts to do.

Tell her the truth about Jimmy’s death.

It makes me want to vomit.

“Think we can talk now?” I ask. If I’m going to do this, I have to get it off my chest to let the chips fall where they may.

Anna takes my hand, then leads me to the couch in the living room. She releases her hold just as we reach it, pointing at one end. After I sink down on it, Anna takes a position on the opposite end, a single cushion forming the distance between us. She curls her legs up, her back to the armrest and her hands folded in her lap. Her expression is open and trusting.

Having such faith in me that I don’t deserve makes my stomach twist into a hard knot.

I start off carefully, acknowledging what has developed between us. “You and I… we have a connection that is hard to explain.”

Anna nods, presenting me with a reassuring smile.

“And I’m grateful for it,” I say truthfully. “It wasn’t something I was expecting or looking for. Serendipity, I guess, but it makes me happy. You make me happy.”

“I feel the same,” she murmurs.

I don’t even bother with a steadying breath. If I take the time to do it, I might chicken out on what really needs to be said, so I just go ahead and lay it out there in all its blunt cruelty. “It’s my fault Jimmy and Sal died.”

It’s as if I physically struck Anna when she reels backward, her hands coming to cover her heart. “That’s not true,” she whispers.

“It is.” My gaze stays locked on her, refusing to look away even though it fucking hurts to see the horror on her face.

“I don’t believe it,” she mutters, her gaze sliding off to the side as she becomes lost in thought. “Someone would have told me.”

“It’s probably—”

She cuts me off, head whipping back my way as she angrily demands. “Explain.”

So I do.

I tell her how the events unfolded with the Brits being fired upon and my mistaken conclusion that Jimmy and Sal were in a somewhat safe position behind me since the enemy fire seemed to only be coming from our front. Without any gory details, I explain what happened to Jimmy and Sal while I was raining down protective fire for the British Special Forces. That the fault for Jimmy and Sal getting ambushed laid squarely on my shoulders since I was in an equally good position to protect them instead.

“I shouldn’t have assumed the only danger was in front of us,” I clarify, the disgust in myself evident by my tone. “I should have kept a better eye on them. I should have chosen to protect them.”

The only sense I get from her that any of this is penetrating is a subtle narrowing of her eyes on me. As if she’s having an epiphany. I’d known having this talk now was the right thing to do. There’s no way we could have gone down the path we were destined for without giving her the privilege of being fully informed of my perfidy.

Anna lets out a shaky breath. Dipping her head, she stares at her hands where they are folded in her lap. Her voice quavers a bit. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“You don’t know how sorry I am. How I’d give anything to change the circumstances.”

She refuses to look at me, but her tone is gentle… so Anna-like. “I can imagine, and I think I’ve told you before that I’d never wish anything to change for you so they could change for me. You’ve given me a lot to think about, though.”

It’s the long silence that lets me know the conversation is over. She has nothing more to say to me, and I’m not sure if I should continue to apologize. I’d do it as penance if I thought it would help, but the distinct impression I’m getting from Anna is she would like to not have to suffer in my presence right now. I’ve given her far too much to think about, and in no way can she do so with me sitting next to her.

The man who killed her husband.

Quietly, I get up from the couch and head to the door. I don’t expect her to stop me or even call out a farewell. I get what I deserve as