Cocky Notes - Leesa Bow Page 0,48

last words send me over the edge, and I’m sobbing with my face resting on my forearms.

“Macy.” He stumbles around the table to sit by my side and places an arm around my shoulders. “What is it?”

“I think I blew it. I got scared and pushed him away.” I glance up and drag my hands over my cheeks. “I don’t want to be like her.”

Dad’s expression switches to stoic. “You’re nothing like her. Except for her good points. You’re beautiful and smart and know what you want. Determined and loyal.”

“How can I be loyal when I’ve never loved?” I sob. My heart, my lungs, my throat all burn with the pain, and it’s like I’m reliving Mum leaving all over again because I know the moment I give Reef my heart with the layers removed, exposed and vulnerable, it’s his to crush. And it will happen. We both know the inevitable ending. “I can’t get hurt again.”

“You’re talking about two different things, my girl. You are capable of loving freely, and yes, it’s a risk to be hurt, but you need to experience hurt to know what it is to be loved and who you want as a partner. Trust me, I won’t be making the same mistakes with Bernadette as I did your mother. Bernadette is not the best-looking lady, but in my eyes, she is beautiful. She has a heart of gold and makes me laugh. And her outlook on life is always positive. Your mother wanted for everything. She may have had the looks, but over time she turned cold when I couldn’t give her all she wanted.”

“I’m glad you found Bernadette. And for the record, I’m claiming the win because if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have gone swimming.”

Dad strokes my hair. “You’ve always known what’s best for me. I know you’re old enough to understand, but I want to say it because I think you need to hear it. I’m not replacing you. I’m trying to free you.”

“What if I don’t want to be free?”

Dad pulls me into a hug. “Of course, you do. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

Merry Christmas! xx

I send the message to Reef.

Forcing myself out of bed, I shower and head to the kitchen to find Dad.

I want today to be special.

“Merry Christmas,” I say and give him a tight hug.

He’s in the kitchen pouring yoghurt into a bowl. He turns on the oven to preheat for the turkey breast roll and sits to chop the vegetables to roast. I sense he wants to do more to make it special. I’m not sure if it’s for Bernadette or me since he’s taking a dessert to hers for dinner.

Hours later, I slouch in my chair.

“I can’t eat another thing,” I tell him after having seconds.

“What about pudding?”

“Argh.” I rest my hand on my stomach. “I need to wait a while.”

I move to the couch, and Dad limps in behind me. “What’s that?” I point to a box on the television cabinet.

“I found these after clearing out a cupboard.” He carries them to the coffee table while I slide onto the floor next to where he sits on the couch. He opens the box and pulls out photographs of me sitting in his shiny blue truck—one behind the steering wheel and another standing on the step, posing. I giggle and can’t take my eyes from the pictures. I looked so happy. He hands me a few more, ones I’ve never seen. And one of him, my mother, and me.

“This is the last time I think she was truly happy,” he says.

I looked about four.

I don’t linger on it and toss it into the box when he hands me an image of just the two of us at the beach. I looked around ten and remember the day well. Remember Mum refusing to come. “And I remember being happy here,” I add.

He nods and smiles at me. “You were a happy kid, my girl.”

“How about we watch a movie?” I suggest when he puts the box aside. “And then we can have dessert.”

“Sounds good to me.”

I allow Dad to select a movie knowing it will be a romantic one and settle in to spend time with him knowing it could be the last Christmas of just being us.

The clock ticks closer to dinner. I’ve checked it every fifteen minutes.

“Do you want to join us?” Dad asks when he places a container of dessert in a small esky.

“No way am I ruining