Cock & Bull - Laura Barnard Page 0,86

you could call him to check in.’

‘I’d just like to catch up, check everything is still going smoothly.’ I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

She sighs. ‘It’s not a bad thing, Pheebs. Your big heart is one of the reasons I love you so much. What I’m saying here, is that you get attached to people. When you let people in you give them your whole heart. Even that dickhead Garry.’

Oh god, she’s right. Not that it makes any of this easier. No matter how I’ve tried to rationalise with my heart, its gone and fallen for him. I have no control over it.

I shake my head. ‘Well I know I can’t get attached to Clooney. It’s not like we’re planning on staying here. It’s just sex,’ I lie to myself. ‘As soon as we build the business up again we’ll sell and move back to England.’

A floor board creaks, alerting me to someone outside the door. I look up to see Clooney’s wide green eyes staring back at me. Shit. I relay the last few sentences in my head. Well they don’t sound good. I never told him we planned on moving back to England regardless of whether the business picked up or not.

‘Oh, is that how it is?’ he asks, his head shaking, hurt shadowing his eyes. His shoulders drop as he backs out, running down the stairs.

‘Shit.’ I feel sick to my stomach. If he just heard the last bit of the conversation it could sound like I’m the one using him.

Ella grins, raising her eyebrows knowingly. ‘For a guy just fucking someone, he’s acting pretty upset.’

I stand. ‘Shut up, Ella. Not helpful.’

I run after him. Yes I might be pissed off that he’s a closed book to me, but I never wanted to hurt him. This whole time I’ve been worrying that he’ll hurt me, but instead it was my secret that got out. I’ve hurt him.

I find him out the front of the pub smoking a cigarette. He looks all the more sexy for being so brooding right now, encased in a cloud of smoke. His arms and shoulders are tense; It looks like his hurt has evolved quickly to anger.

I stand in front of him chewing my bottom lip, unsure what to say now that I’ve tracked him down.

‘I’m sorry.’ Best to just keep it simple and go from there.

‘Sorry for what?’ he asks, his chin high, eyes cold, anger radiating from him, tangible pulses that make me squirm. ‘Why should you be sorry?’

‘Because that sounded bad back there. Like we were just fucking and—’

He looks me dead in the eye. So hard a shiver escapes down my spine. ’We are just fucking, Phoebe.’

Ouch. That stings. My heart squeezes in my chest. I’m losing him.

‘I know that,’ I say, my voice wobbly. I do know that, so why am I acting like I’m his girlfriend? Why do I feel like I’m going to burst into tears again?

‘So whether you choose to stay here, or fuck off back to England, it’s completely up to you.’ He throws his cigarette on the floor, stamping it out with far more gusto than usual.

He goes to walk past me, but I grab his shoulder. ‘Please, Clooney,’ I beg. I can hardly breathe at just the thought of not being with him. ‘I can tell you’re upset. Just talk to me.’

‘About what, Phoebe?’ A vein on his forehead twitches. ‘What do you want to talk about?’

I sigh. ‘Look, I never told you because I felt bad that you were helping us out here for free. Then I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, seen as you don’t want a relationship.’

‘Yeah, but you were the one making out that I’m the problem. I’m the reason why we could never be. Then I find out you were never planning on sticking around anyway.’ He laughs but it has a cruel edge to it. ‘Yet you had no problem trying to push me to be honest with you about everything. While holding back your own little secret.’

Well, when he puts it like that, I sound like a dick.

‘Look, I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t mean to hold anything from you.’

I walk closer to him, urging him with my desperate eyes to calm down and forgive me. To hold me, stroke my hair and tell me everything is going to be okay.

He sighs heavily, rubbing at his forehead. ‘I don’t know why I’m getting so upset anyway.’

I take another cautious step towards him. Could it