Cock & Bull - Laura Barnard Page 0,64

‘Who the hell is she, Graham?’

He puts his palms up to her. ‘I swear, I’ve never seen her before in my life.’

Oh god, she thinks I’m going to tell her a devastating secret about her groom.

‘Perhaps we should go into my chambers,’ the priest suggests, ushering us towards a side room. Josephine begrudgingly lets go of me, following us into the small yellow room.

‘What the hell is going on?’ Nora asks as soon as the door is shut.

‘Language, please, Nora,’ the priest snaps with disapproving eyes.

‘Look.’ I sigh, hating that I’m ruining her wedding. ‘I’m really sorry for causing a scene. I tried to get you when you were getting ready but Josephine wouldn’t let me near you.’

Josephine glares at me, clearly looking for any excuse to pounce and beat me to a pulp. I stare back. If she’d have just let me in we could have avoided all this.

‘Fine you have me,’ Nora says, waving her arms around. ‘What on earth do you want?’

‘Well…’ time to sound crazy, ‘I know this is going to sound nuts but I have a message from your mum, Geraldine.’

She gasps. ‘My dead mammy. What the hell?’

‘Language,’ the priest snaps again, tutting and shaking his head.

‘I know she’s dead,’ I confirm with an understanding nod. ‘She came to me this morning and she’s with us now.’

Might as well go with the truth.

Josephine scoffs and raises her eyes at Nora, as if to say; this is why I didn’t let her in.

‘She wants you to know that she wrote you a letter for you to read before getting married. Apparently your dad thought it would upset you before your big day so held it back, but she wants you to know how she thought about this day.’

She stares back at me, forehead marred in wrinkles. ‘I don’t believe you.’

I mean, I wouldn’t either.

‘Tell her I sewed a copy of the letter into her dress hem.’

Ooh, proof. That might help me.

‘She says she sewed a copy into the hem of your dress. She had a sneaking suspicion your dad would wimp out.’ I reach for a letter opener on the priest’s desk. ‘Only one way to find out.’

Nora gasps, her mouth opening, eyes wide in horror. ‘Get away from my dress, you nutcase!’

Josephine launches herself at me, clutching for the letter opener.

‘Calm down, Josephine!’ I shout, struggling to keep it. ‘I was just going to hand it to her.’ She manages to somehow get me in a head lock.

The door opens and Clooney comes walking in; taking in the scene in front of him with wide eyes.

‘Clooney! Will you just tell her to trust me and cut her dress open?’

His eyes nearly pop out of their sockets. ‘Phoebe have you lost your fecking mind?’ he shouts. I’ve never heard him raise his voice so high.

‘Take her out, Clooney,’ Josephine insists. ’Before I kill her.’

‘No one is getting killed,’ the priest says, hands up between me and Josephine.

He grabs my arm, leading me away. ‘So sorry about this.’

I hate that he’s apologising for me.

I’m almost at the door when she says, ‘Wait.’

We both turn to see Nora mulling it over, chewing her lower lip. She takes the letter opener from Josephine and then feels around the hem of her dress. When she finds a crinkle sound unlike the rest she picks at the hem until it’s opened up. Low and behold, there sits a letter.

Nora gasps, looking at me in awe. Thank God it’s there and I didn’t just destroy a dress for no good reason.

‘I told you,’ I say proudly, puffing out my chest. Clooney stares at me with a million questions.

She rips open the letter, her hands shaking, and walks to the priests desk to sit down to read it. Her eyes fill with tears. This is probably why her dad wanted to hold it back. Didn’t want to ruin her make up.

When she finishes she’s got tears down her face but she seems happy.

‘Thank you so much.’ She clutches the letter to her chest. ‘I don’t know how you knew about this, but this means everything to me. Everything. Thank you.’

She launches herself at me, engulfing me into a bear hug. I look over smugly to Josephine.

‘Well,’ her groom says, clapping his hands together, ‘now that’s all sorted how do you feel about getting married?’ He smiles hopefully.

‘Let’s do it.’

Chapter Thirty-Three

Wednesday 21st October

We walked out with a crying bride to loud and unfriendly boos. Everyone obviously thinking I’m an evil cow, but Nora told