Cock & Bull - Laura Barnard Page 0,54

Breda, who I never knew, but somehow feel closer than ever to. I cry because I can hear ghosts I never believed in before. I cry because I want to be back home in England, in the shitty little flat I shared with Valerie. But most of all I cry because I want nothing more than to be right here, in this man’s arms, protected from the world, when I know that we can never be.

After a long while my cries start to slow. I test my lungs to see if I can take a full breath again. I inhale his smell of cinnamon, mint and the slightest hint of cigarette smoke. It’s become such a comforting scent. It’s all I want to smell forever. The thought of moving back to England and never again smelling him breaks my heart.

‘You want me to stay here tonight?’ he asks, tucking a bit of hair behind my ear.

I lean back and look into those dirty green eyes creased in concern. He has the cutest little wrinkles when he does that look.

‘Just until you get to sleep,’ he clarifies, shooting down my dreams. I suppose Ella does share the bed with me.

I sniff. ‘Am I pathetic if I say yes?’

He smiles lazily. I think it’s my favourite of his. ‘Of course not. Just stop being the fierce independent woman for just one night, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I nod on another sniff. In his arms like this I’d probably agree to anything.

He instructs me to lay back down while he shrugs off his boots. He lays down behind me, spooning my back. He sweeps my hair back from my face and places it behind my ear. It’s such a gentle gesture. If only I knew I could trust him.

I let the warmth of his body seep into mine, healing all of my gaping wounds. All of my regrets. All of my fears. Calming me, I’m lulled to sleep by the feel of his heartbeat thumping against my back and the sound of his relaxed breathing by my ear.

‘Goodnight, Phoebe. Everything will be better in the morning.’

With him here it’s so easy to believe.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Sunday 18th October

When I wake, I reach for him. My heart sinks as I realise he’s not there. Probably had to get away from me. I’m a sleep fidgeter. Ella and Suki aren’t even here. I check out the window and it seems I did sleep through until morning, the bright sunshine streaming in.

I stretch my arms to the ceiling. It’s weird but I feel better for having a breakdown last night. Today is a fresh day and it’s going to be okay. I’m going to focus on the positive. I’m healthy and we are going to turn this place around. I get washed up, dressed and go into the kitchen to make myself a strong coffee. I feel better but I still have a groggy head from all that whiskey.

I hear talking coming from the bar. I look at my watch; it’s only ten a.m. We shouldn’t be open yet. Who’s out there? We’re not expecting any deliveries today.

I swing the door open and walk into the bar. I nearly pass out from shock when I see my parents sat with Ella and Clooney, all having a cuppa as if they’re lifelong friends. Suki sits at their feet.

‘Mum? Dad?’ I gasp. Am I still dreaming? Having some sort of weird whiskey dream? ‘What the hell are you doing here?’

‘Well, it’s very nice to see you, too, Phoebe,’ Mum says cheerily, flouncing her long red hair behind her shoulders. She gets up and runs around to hug me.

My parents might drive me mad, hell, I might even resent them massively for robbing me of a normal childhood, but when my Mum takes me in her arms, her scent of rose and wildflowers wafting up my nostrils, it’s hard to not hug her back and realise how much I’ve missed her. She crushes her long dangling crystal necklaces against my chest.

‘I’m sorry, I’m just in shock.’ I pull back looking into her brown eyes, the same eyes as Ella. I’m always the first to pull back. ‘When did you arrive?’

She smiles widely. ‘Only about an hour ago. We wanted to surprise you girls. Ella’s just been telling me about the robbery. We thought best to let you sleep after all that shock.’

Dad comes up to give me a hug. He’s tall at six foot two and crushes me into his embrace, bruising my ribs.