Cock & Bull - Laura Barnard Page 0,48

not really wanting to hear the truth. I could quite happily bury my head in the sand for a few more hours. ‘Don’t you think he’ll give us a chance? Let us off with a warning, it is a first offence?’ I don’t even sound like I’m convinced myself.

He takes my shoulders and steels his gaze. ‘Phoebe, it’s not like you’ve been caught speeding. This is Sky. You’ve been illegally watching their channels. This is serious.’

I gulp, bile trying to make its way from my stomach up into my oesophagus. I’m fucked. We are never going to be able to pay the fine. I’ll end up in Irish prison being fed bad lumpy mashed potato for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’ll be someone’s bitch. I’ll have to kiss her and pretend I like it just so I have some form of protection. God knows I’ve never been able to fight. Although I really don’t know if I’ll be able to touch someone else’s vagina.

The door bangs. ‘Indeed, it is serious,’ the man says, reappearing. His bald head is flushed. ‘Here is your fine.’ He hands over a notice. ‘We expect it to be paid in full within thirty days. I’ve disconnected you and be warned that if we find you doing this again, we will be forced to take legal action.’

Shit. Clooney was right, but at least they haven’t arrested us. I mean, it could be worse. I won’t have to touch a vagina. Phew.

The guy turns and marches off, clipboard wedged under his arm. I look down at the paper and scroll my eyes down to the total of the fine. Seven thousand euros. Shit. We’re totally screwed.

Chapter Twenty-Six

‘Seven thousand euros! Are you fucking joking me?’ Ella cries later that day, before throwing herself back on the chair. ‘I’m gonna kill that guy!’

She means the elderly man Dermot who suggested it would be fine to illegally funnel it. Although, we’re the idiots who believed him.

I narrow my eyes at her. ‘Ella, the guy’s in his seventies. It wouldn’t be a fair fight. It’s totally my fault.’

She frowns, narrowing her eyes at me. ‘How did you work that one out?’

I sigh, slumping my shoulders. ‘Because I talked you into it. You’re easily swayed by me.’

‘Ugh.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘So what you’re saying is I’m a dumb arse that’ll go along with anything you say?’

Well, now I’ve upset her. I can’t do anything right at the moment.

‘No, Ella, that’s not what I’m saying. I just…’

‘How are we going to find seven thousand euros?’

I sink down onto the bar stool, stroking my hair back off my face. I’ve noticed myself doing it lately. I think it reminds me of when Ella used to play with my hair when we were little. Simpler times.

‘I have no idea.’ I sigh, completely deflated. ‘It honestly feels like it couldn’t get any worse.’ As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret it.

All of the lamps go out and the background music stops.

‘Just what we need, a power cut.’

‘You paid the bill, right?’ Clooney asks sarcastically.

‘Of course I did.’

Err... I did, didn’t I? Yeah, I’m sure I did.

‘If you want to help find me some candles so we can stay open.’

Truthfully, I’m already considering just giving up and going to bed.

‘Already on it!’ Ella says, running out back. Never before have I been so happy for her candle obsession.

It turns out a town blackout is good for business. A load of people end up coming in, deciding to wait it out with friends and booze. For once we’re actually busy.

The only issue has been that we’ve had to bring Suki out to the bar. She was terrified in the dark all on her own, whimpering like a baby. It’s not like we could have trusted her with a candle. She could have burnt the place down to the ground. Not that I couldn’t do with the insurance money. The customers all seemed to love it, cooing over her.

Finally, we ring the bell and start the clean-up. By the time I’m forcing a smiled goodbye to the last customer, all I want to do is curl up in my bed. Clooney has disappeared and Ella tells me she can’t stay awake one more moment before practically running off to bed carrying a sleepy Suki. Well, gee, thanks, sis.

Clooney re-appears from the front, having had a cigarette. Is it weird that even when he faintly smells of smoke I find it alluring? Probably need some therapy