Cock & Bull - Laura Barnard Page 0,26

and yanks me in. I nearly land on top of him. ‘Clooney!’ I screech, pushing myself up.

Luckily for him my thumb bandage is now off and the pain has all but gone.

He reaches behind me and slams the door. ‘Ready to go,’ he shouts to Connor. We speed off before I even have a chance to sit down.

‘Clooney, this guy is not a taxi driver.’ Women are always told not to get in unlicensed taxis, but then I suppose Clooney does know him.

‘Well, he kind of is in Ballykielty.’

‘How is that?’ I can feel my patience draining away.

‘Because we only have three men that do taxi service, and the other two are normally in the same pub you’re calling from and getting pissed themselves.’

‘Oh my god.’ I can’t help but bark a laugh. ‘Well at least this guy is sober.’

‘Yeah, he’s the best drunk driver of the three.’

My eyes nearly pop out of my skull. ‘What?’

We’re all going to die.

He grins, the skin round his eyes crinkling. ‘I’m joking with ya.’

We go around a corner so sharply I’m thrown into Clooney’s lap.

‘Jeysus, buy me a drink first,’ he chuckles, looking down at me.

‘Clooney!’ I push myself up but end up pushing against his dick in his skinny jeans. Crap. Do not think about the huge bulge you just touched.

We go around another corner, this time Clooney is thrown onto me. I’m pinned against the side of the van, petrified the door is going to fall off any second. We’ll both be abandoned like roadkill.

I push him off me. ‘Your friend is a fucking maniac. Tell him to slow down.’

‘Ah, Connor is fine. Leave him alone.’

How can he be so dismissive of our safety?

‘Leave him alone? Are you serious—'

We’re both lifted off our bums as we go over some sort of bridge I’m guessing.

‘Jesus!’ I shout, grabbing hold of Clooney’s hand instinctively. ‘Please get him to slow down or I’m gonna have a heart attack.’

He just laughs like we’ve willingly gone on a rollercoaster.

‘If I’d have known he was this bad a driver I’d have drunk a hell of a lot more.’

He chuckles as we’re thrown to the left. ‘Not possible.’

Chapter Fourteen

Friday 2nd October

Well we just about survived our ride home last night. I ended up clasping onto Clooney’s hand and shirt, scrunching my eyes shut, the remainder of the journey. I’m ashamed to say that it felt good to be so close to him. He’s just so strong and manly, it’s easy to feel safe with him.

Sharing a space with him is getting tenser by the minute. I keep finding him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking, and then quickly looking away when I do. I still can’t work out if it’s because he thinks that I’m an idiot, or because he finds me interesting. Pretty even. See what I mean? Clooney turns me into a teenager. A very hormonal teenager. I don’t know why I keep blushing from his attention, I don’t even like the guy. You can’t fancy someone you don’t even like, right? If Garry has taught me anything its to stay away from men, especially womanisers.

Suki has started to follow him around and sit by his feet. It seems no females are safe.

As promised, that guy Dermot’s son, managed to get the sports channels fitted and funnelled through into the pub while we were out on the course yesterday. His son didn’t produce an engagement ring either which makes me feel better. I’m now terrified I’m going to be caught and put in prison. I mean, is it considered stealing? Or fraud even? I lied to Clooney and said we were on a free trial. All I know is that I’m past caring. If we carry on much more like we have been, we’re just going to be sinking further into a hole. Desperate measures and all that.

With Clooney now being in charge of the kitchen the menu has changed to just soup, sandwiches and jacket potatoes at lunch. Still more than me and Ella could manage. In the evenings he plans to open for two hours with a special he hopes to talk the customers into. I say customers; currently just his fan club seem to be here, hanging off his every word. It’s actually embarrassing watching them drooling all over him. In fact, now I think about it, that’s probably why he’s staring at me. Trying to work out how I’m immune to his charms.

He’s been telling everyone that tonight we’re