My eyes snapped to his and my heart leapt into my throat. “You did?”
Oh God.
Did Theo tell him what happened?
Joel nodded with an apologetic smile. “He understands, and he agrees that we shouldn’t be together on the boat any longer. It just wouldn’t be professional.”
I frowned. “Okay…”
“So, we’ve arranged for you to fly back to the States this evening.”
“You what?!”
“Theo’s already taken care of everything,” Joel said as I ripped my hand from his. “He’s got a car coming later this afternoon and a first-class ticket home — which is very nice, all things considered.”
“So, let me get this straight,” I said, standing, pacing with my heart beating like a war drum in my chest. “Not only are you breaking up with me, but you’re kicking me off the boat?” My heart sank like an anvil. “And Theo agreed with you that this was the right thing to do?”
“Aspen,” Joel said sympathetically, the way you would try to soothe an upset child. “Surely, you knew this was co—”
“And I’m sure this has nothing to do with Ivy, right? And the fact that you’ve been fucking her every summer that you worked together — this one included?”
Joel’s lips flattened, and he looked away from me with a shake of his head instead of a response.
It was irrational. I knew, deep down in my gut, that it was. How could I be upset with Joel for breaking up with me when I was ready to do the very same thing? How could I accuse him of fooling around with Ivy, of her being the reason for this decision, when I had been far from innocent with Theo?
I had no right to be upset, and yet I’d never been angrier in my life.
“You can’t do this!” I screamed, tears flooding my eyes.
“I can call your sister, if you’d like,” he said, ignoring my plea. “Have her pick you up at the airport.”
“Don’t you dare,” I said on a sniff, pointing my finger directly at his nose. “Don’t ever speak to any of my family ever again. Or to me, for that matter.”
“Aspen, this is for the best.”
I shook my head, ripping my backpack from where I’d stored it in our closet and tossing it onto the bed. I unzipped the top open and started grabbing anything of mine that I saw, throwing it inside the bag without care.
Tears blurred my vision the more I stormed around the room gathering my things, mind racing with denial as I tried to piece it all together. Joel watched me pitifully, and I thought I heard him saying my name, but I was too angry to hear a single word. Eventually, he left me alone, and when the door closed behind him, I fell to the ground in a sob that wracked my chest.
I hugged my knees, rocking back and forth, shaking my head over and over as if I could just close my eyes and wake up in another reality — one that didn’t mean I was getting off this boat.
One that didn’t mean I was leaving Theo. Forever.
I quieted with that thought, my sobs cut off mid-tantrum as the realization settled in.
I wasn’t upset because Joel broke up with me. I wasn’t even upset because I knew he’d been cheating on me with Ivy for God knows how long.
I was upset because he wanted me off the boat.
And I was devastated that Theo did, too.
My face contorted with emotion, and another wave of tears assaulted me. My rib cage squeezed so tightly together I thought it would crush my lungs, and I hugged my knees tighter, shaking my head as I cried.
I’d lost him.
I’d lost everything.
Before I even truly had the chance to have him at all, I’d let Theo think he didn’t matter to me, that I hadn’t been wrapped up in him from the moment I first saw him. I let my confusion and desperation to be loyal to Joel disconcert me and keep me from falling into the man who saw me so clearly I could never hide from him, even if I tried.
Theo knew it. He knew I was his.
But he wouldn’t take me until I knew it, too.
And I didn’t realize it until it was too late.
Another tear slid down my cheek, and I brushed it away silently, staring at the floor. It was all so cruel, how your own heart, your own mind could keep you from something so good. Now, in