curled into fists as he muttered to himself. The veins in his arms stood out as the muscles beneath them flexed. “I need to hunt,” he rasped.
“I know. But Bastien and Aidan are both at a meeting. So it might be a little while.”
He swore. “Ask Melanie to sedate me.”
“She went to the meeting with Bastien.”
He shook his head, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “Right. She and Bastien left together. Have Linda do it.”
“Mr. Reordon said Linda’s in Puerto Rico.”
Again he swore. “Then shoot me with a damn tranq gun,” he ordered, voice rising with frustration.
Hell no. And she didn’t want anyone else to shoot him either. The voices in his head wouldn’t perceive that as anything less than an attack. How would that calm him? “I’d much rather you work off some steam with me.” When he strode back toward her, she smiled, motioned to the sofa, and waggled her eyebrows. “This is big enough for two, you know.”
He paced away again. “No.”
Stubborn man. He knew it would help. It always did. But he was so afraid of hurting her… “Cliff—”
He rounded on her furiously. “I said no! I don’t want you to feel like you have to fuck me every time I start to lose it!”
He might as well have slapped her. Emma straightened, lips tightening. It was the first time he had ever directed his anger at her. “Well maybe this isn’t just about you,” she bit out. “Maybe Mr. Reordon scared the shit out of me when he called me into his fancy office bathroom, told me he knew about us, then somberly informed me that there had been an incident. Maybe I thought he was going to tell me you’d had another psychotic break and that this time the guards had killed you.” Tears welled in her eyes despite her efforts to keep them at bay. “And maybe I wasn’t just offering to fuck you into a better frame of mind. Maybe I needed you to hold me because for a minute I thought I’d lost you and—”
He crossed the room so quickly he blurred. His arms banded around her as he crushed her to him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, Emma. I’m sorry.”
She squeezed him tight, sorry too for her outburst. None of this was his fault. He would never have lashed out if the damned voices weren’t bellowing who-knows-what at him. But she was too choked up to speak.
She didn’t want to lose him.
She just didn’t want to lose him.
And if he tried to shut her out now, if he tried to distance himself from her out of some misguided belief that he was somehow sparing her…
Framing her face with his hands, he pressed fervent kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, and her lips. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean it. I just…”
“I know,” she choked out. “And I’m sorry, too.” She fisted his shirt as she met his bright amber eyes. “It really did scare me. I didn’t see you last night. And that usually only happens when you have a break. Then Mr. Reordon and Kate looked so damn grim when they faced me…”
“It’s okay.” He kissed her. “I’m okay.” Sliding his arms around her, he kissed her again, deepening the contact as his hands began to explore her back with heated caresses. “You said I saved the day, remember?” he murmured in a way that suggested he was trying to convince himself it was true. “You said I did good.” He trailed his lips down her neck in a series of fervent kisses, then drew her up onto her toes and pressed her hips to his, letting her feel how hard he was.
She moaned, clutching fistfuls of his hair as desperation turned to desire.
“I held off the bad guy,” he murmured, tugging her blazer off and letting it drop to the floor. “I’m okay.” His fingers went to work, deftly unfastening the buttons on her shirt.
“You’re okay,” she agreed breathlessly as flames danced through her. She needed him so much. As much as he needed her.
She couldn’t lose him.
How could she ever survive losing him?
Their clothing hit the floor. Then they came together on the sofa, remorse and a longing for reassurance driving them. Their time together suddenly seemed alarmingly short, on the brink of ending. And the fear and despair that spawned made their lovemaking all the more intense as they found ecstasy together.